confused bolt

[Bolt]

The girls are doing horribly. My oldest actually ran away yesterday from my W's house. She just needed time to herself but she constantly calls me in hysterics. She just wants out of the house to live with me. She doesn't care where I live; she just wants to live with me. My younger one is pretty laid back but when you talk to her, she's hurting as well. They both just want to make it stop.


I do know I will have contact but every time I do, I hurt too much. It's part of my healing, I guess. I want to give my time to heal from this. Deep down, I don't want it to end but I have come to the realization that it is over.

I know I'm going against what people are saying but I just don't see how there is any hope. And quite honestly, hope is what is killing me. Hope is what makes me not sleep and want my old new life back. Hope is a dream.

I don't want that hope anymore. I want the hope that there is a better future without my W. She's moved on. I have to as well.

What kills me is we did talk this morning for an hour texting. She said she did work on it and did want it to work but then suddenly had a complete change of heart and realized I would never change. That's a load of bs but I can't control her thinking. She thinks I controlled her life...now I can't even talk to her.

It does cause too much pain...