STBX called me during the day about a minor issue and all seemed ok. When I came home from work last night, D19 was talking to me about her upcoming vacation with her boyfriend. A week ago STBX said she was "considering" a vacation with me. Last night D19 says "mom is not going away..........well, she has plans, but not wit you". She intends to go away with some guys from work, including her boss who one day she hates and the next is in some form of relationship with. She admits they have dated. They even live in the same apartment building since he left his wife.
Anyway, I called STBX to verify and that turned into an R talk. Again, she told me she is never coming home. For the first time in a long time, I broke down a little and told her that I still want her to. Said "I love you. I miss you". She crushed me all over again last night. I still can't stop hoping no matter happens and then moments like last night destroy me all over again.
I had to take two sleeping pills, and still just barely slept. I am an emotional mess this morning. After six years since my first visit here, I am still unable to move on.
