I look at this way. All the different tools you use are for your benefit and not your W's.
Ask youself some questions
Does constant contact with your W help you or hurt you?
Do you accomplish anything?
Does it help your sitch?
Why do you want to have contact with your W?
Now just like 9 you have kids together so you going dark will never really be fully accomplished and it shouldn't.
I am considering going dark on my XW but not as a means of getting her attention but because at this point after the D it has become painful to talk to her. I am doing it for me and my healing process