I saw your comment in the SSM forum and read your situation here.
I think you are doing a really good job of trying to save your marriage. You should be proud of and take pride in what you are doing. If/when it succeeds you will have one hell of a good relationship.
A couple of thoughts.
First, get a copy of Dr Glovers book, No More Mr. Nice Guy. This book isn't about being a jerk, it is about men getting a life, and becoming a man who is in touch with his own needs. In my experience, when I stopped being a Nice Guy (which to Dr Glover, is a bad thing, as it is a man who puts pleasing women over his own interests and needs at every turn) she found me much more atractive and respected me more.
Congratulations on your working on GAL, it is really, really important!
Second, doing 180's is creating your own (high stakes) sociological experiment. If something doesn't work in your marriage; try something different until you find out what does work. You seem to understand this at one level, but really need to figure out what it is that needs to work with your wife.
One caution on 180's, expect your wife to test and challenge you along the way. Mine certainly did! Mine tried repeatedly to pick fights with me to see if I was serious about the changes I was making in my life, in the way I was treating her, etc. You might also want to read up on boundaries in a relationship.
Another thought is that age 25 seems to be a magic time for young women these days. From observations of my two son's significant others; 25 seems to be a new mid-life crisis time for young women. You might read up on that to see what might be going there her head and see if she is feeling that time is rushing past her. I have a daughter-in-law whose biological alarm clock has gone off, but she doesn't have the job situation she yet wants that will easily allow her to have children (I saw where you said you both don't want kids, you might want to make sure she doesn't). It might also be a good time to find out and discuss more of her life goals for herself. She might be questioning all of them and looking for a female mentor to help her figure her life out, rather than truly wanting a bi experience.
In addition to just about everything that MWD has written, I also have found the book by Dr. Chapman, the Five Languages of Love to be very helpful. Throught that book I learned how my wife had been telling me for decades that she loved me (having dinner ready when I got home, doing special things for me) that I didn't realize was her way of saying she loved me. I showed her my love by touching her and telling her how wonderful she was (my languages of love). She needed me to do acts of service for her and spend quality time with her to feel loved. Making my wife feel loved in her languages of love, really changed the dynamic in our relationship.
Finally, I would like to suggest that some women (I owe this knowledge to a poster on this forum called Dance Queen and finally listening to my wife) really really enjoy the passion of their man when it comes to sex. If you look at all the grocery store romance novels (The covers of these novels tended to feature scantily clad women being grabbed by the hero, and caused the novels to be referred to as "bodice-rippers") it is a fairly common desire on the part of women to be passionately desired by a strong man. Once you stop being viewed by your wife as a "Nice Guy," she may find you as the passionate, Alpha-male lover she has secretly desired.
Now the caution. This does not mean rape nor forcing yourself on her. It is a delicate dance of let her know of your passion for her and letting her feed off of that and use it to allow her to get herself excited.
(caution too much information follows) I know that when my wife finds me really aroused and I hold her tight, then hold her arms down while I kiss her, it makes her horny. Rather than being a "Nice Guy" all the time focused on making sure she has an orgasm, if I take charge, make sure she is arroused and then focus on what I want, it (on ocassion) makes her really enjoy things! Be careful, as there was a time in my relationship when trying this would have been bad news. It was only after things improved and she was used to regular sex with me that this started to happen.
I wish you the best of luck. I have found that when I was in an SSM, that posting was very theraputic.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
