I am currently struggling with this same issue on my own thread...
My W started pressuring me to open up the marriage because of her being bi, and it very nearly destroyed us. We are together now, but living in limbo. Despite me having given her permission to have other partners, that I know of she hasn't. Although I know she is actively looking. She gave me permission too, but I have decided to take the high road and not pursue anything because I know that it would just make things worse for our M. (The only reason I have agreed to this arrangement, is because after reading these forums I have come to realize that in a way she needs to discover what she truly wants before she decides to truly commit to the marriage. Like WAW who find OM and need to choose on their own to leave them, she needs to choose on her own to end this crazy game she wants to play). She herself is actively looking, but hasn't done it yet, which leads me to believe she herself is still unsure.
... I have been trying to work it out, but it has been almost two months since either of us has had sex with anyone. We are both very HD people, but she doesn't feel comfortable with me.
... We have a great friendship, and through DB I have cut the number of fights, and disagreements.
....I feel like we fix our marriage issues the intimacy will come back, and then the need to go outside will leave.
...I know that if I tell her to stop it will just push her deeper, almost as if there was an OM or OW involved. So I want her to make a choice hopefully before a PA occurs...
insane yes I know...
Not insane at all. I think that you have done an incredible 180. You seem to understand the issues very well and and are remaining in contact, but not pushing her away from you. You are allowing her to figure out what she is missing. MWD helped me cut back on the fighting as well.
I think that if she does figure out this is her mid life crisis or whatever, and comes back to you, that you will be able to rebuild the intimacy and your relationship.
While I am not sure I would have given her permission to take a lover, it sounds like it has given her one less thing to rebel against you about.
Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
