confused bolt

[MHL]

Just had to post bc my mind is swimming and am having a hard time breathing.

First, breathe.....

Then try to get your mind on something else, Grace has some good suggestions.

When this happened/happens to me, I remind myself that the feeling will fade away and calmer more peaceful thoughts will return to me....in TIME.

Try not to make decisions nor interact with her if possible when you are feeling this way, this is when backslides occur.

I have a hearing today and can't stop thinking about how I was played for all of this. I can't stop thinking about how I was lied to for months. How I was played a fool. How she acted as if things were going to work. Playing that she wanted to touch me. Wanted to try and make things work. Wanted to be a family.

Don't mind read here......

You don't know what the h@ll she was thinking at the time....

In reality she was probably actually trying to make it work...

The MLCer rarely has a plan......they do not have a diabolical plan to hurt us or deceive us they are flying by the seat of their pants. Making decisions on the "fly", and their brains are scrambled.

Remember.....

MLC = confusion

It hurts so much not to scream out in pain.

Why not scream out in pain???? Go ahead

I did......and often.

I can remember going into my bedroom, locking the door then into my closet and shutting that door so my kids could not hear me....

I balled up in the fetal position and let loose.

Let the feeling wash over you....don't fight it.

You will feel better after.

What you will come to realize is that they will get shorter and fewer and with time they eventually go away.

Please tell me, how to cope with this? I feel betrayed. I feel used. I feel worthless.

While these are all valid feelings that you are experiencing they usually stem from focusing on our spouses too much.

This is why we preach to focus on you.

You cope with these feelings by working on you for YOU!!!

The feeling of being betrayed and used will fade with TIME and detachment.

If you feel worthless then that is something you can work on. Look at why you feel that way......

What is the cause???

What can you do about it????

Make a plan, take some action, MOVE!!!

Like fisherman says...."don't stand still"

When you start to make and acheive goals then you will find the things in YOUR life again that make YOU happy.

Hint: These goals have nothing to do with your wife or marriage.

I do never want to be a part of this person's life ever again. I do know that for certain.

I would avoid making any judgements right now. You will find that your feelings will change day to day, sometimes hour to hour.

Coming here is a great way to cope also.

Cheers