Funny....like I said before....H calls me ON THE HOUR when he has been gone. Just called at 7:00pm. "Sorry I was gone for so long...I never changed the clock on my motorcycle".
Right....
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
Abbey - Try not to be to worried about the trips out of town. He's sleeping with her, right? I know overnight is different - I wouldn't intentionally up my travel in your situation, but don't make a big deal out of it either.
He's liking being around you lately and will miss you more when you are gone, right? (I'd stay a bit awol, just send him some pics of you having an awesome time) She's going to slip up - the more time they spend together, the more likely it is that she'll be needy, put pressure on him, be annoying, take him for granted, become less exciting. Plus, if you want it to be over with her, he's going to have to be a big boy and keep it in his pants if you go out of town....might as well let him work on that now.
If you can, change something while you are gone so that you look different, more sparkly when you get back. Earrings or haircut (if you can squeeze on in) or put on makeup and a nice outfit to come back in. That car ride home or walk in the door is like a 1st date every time. He's (and you are) discovering who you are now.
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
I did a stupid thing again. Something that only makes me feel bad. H and I went on a great 3 hour hike early yesterday morning. Then after, he mentioned that he wanted to go on a motorcycle ride. I said "that sounds like fun".
He actually dressed nicer than usual for a ride and was gone for about 3 hrs. ON EASTER. With our son home from college visiting.
This a.m. after he left, I checked the mileage on his motorcycle. He only went 31 miles. He told me he took a long ride through a canyon, blah blah blah. 31 miles is about there and back to where OW lives. I knew in my heart that is where he was going, and like a fool HAD to confirm it in my mind. Now I feel horrible. Again.
This has been going on for two plus years now. I don't know how much more I can take. I feel so disrespected and foolish. I am scared and not sure what to do! There are times when I see the H that married and we have a lot of fun together, and then there is THIS. And THIS is horrible.
Off to work...thanks for listening...
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
I'm sorry you are in such pain, but I'm not really sure how we can best help you. You know exactly what's going on -- your husband is playing you -- and yet you continue in the same endless loop of deceit and frustration and disrespect.
We like to think that we are complicated beings, but us humans really ARE path-of-least-resistance creatures. Your husband is doing what he is doing because he is weak, it feels good to him, and BECAUSE HE CAN. Until you muster up the will and the skill to remove yourself as his backup plan, you're destined for months and even years of this same heartbreak and deceit.
Abbey, bear with me, I've got a bit of a sharp edge today, but am not trying to escalate your frustration with the situation...here's Dave's top 10 ways to get back at them list to make you laugh.
1) Egg her house, hey..worked in junior high.. 2-a) Put a women seeking men ad in craigslist with her number, name, and pic (through an anon computer of course) 2-b) Sign her up for prayers. I am sure there are groups happy to send her mail/call re the dangers of being a Jezebel 2-c) Sign her up to get loads of wedding and baby junk mail...that should freak H out. 3) Tell her mother that she's sneaking around with a married man (worked on the playground) 4) Tell your H that at your annual exam you tested positive for herpes 5) Hire a private investigator to prove the affair, in case you need it in a few months. 6) Get a prepaid cell phone and leave the charger out in the kitchen accidentally. 7) Order "CHEATRRRR" vanity plates for his car 8) Tape something on TLC or Bravo or Food TV over your wedding video 9) Every time he leaves and you think it's for her, throw away 1 single sock. 10) Next time he heads over, trick him into taking some laxatives 1st....3 hours, right?
And the #1 way... Sew the fly shut on all his underwear..when he mentions it, say "oh, I just thought that might help you KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS"
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
OMG....don't have too long but I saw OW while on the way to my class tonight. I walked by...saw her (she doesn't know me) and then I walked closer because she was on a cell phone call...(of course I think she is talking with MY husband) but then didn't know how to be inconspicuous...so walked on to class and sat outside watching. Just watching. I called H. He answered after a few rings just as she hung up and was walking back into work. I didn't really know what to say to H other than "Oh...have a few minutes before class starts" I had actually talked to him about 20 min prior but had to call. I KNOW I AM NUTS!
In person, she is much prettier than her pictures I've seen on internet/fb. She has shoulder length blond hair (I'm a brunette). I really just wanted to SLAP her right then and there. My heart was beating so fast.....but I went to class.
I couldn't hear the conversation, but her face didn't look happy and her tone didn't sound breezy.
UGH! Plus we ML this a.m. (I was not the initiator).
Thanks for listening. H is planning a trip to see parts of the Amgen race around CA next month. Plus he has talked about seeing a car race up in Sonoma in late August (he did this trip two years ago "alone"). I think he is laying groundwork for another "alone weekend". He has done 3 of these in our 22 years of M.
Part of Amgen is his bday weekend so he asked "so what do you want to do?" I said...."it's your choice and your bday weekend". So...not sure if he is including me or not at this point.
I honestly don't care when he goes on backpacking/biking/camping/motorcyle trips with his guy friends. At least I feel comfortable that I know who he is with. It is the ALONE trips that tear me up.
Thanks for listening........
UGH!!!
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
No...my H would never go to church. In fact his OW is a bit of a darwin scientist type. I am definitely going to seek some counseling and have a db coach session on Thursday. She always seems to whip me into shape for a few weeks anyway.
I have yet to see a lawyer. That seems SO final! I don't feel like I am anywhere near that stage yet but I know from what everyone says on these boards that I should be prepared.
I love your Dave's list! Made me laugh. Thank you!!
Have a great day tomorrow friends.....
A.
Me - 49 H - 56 S - 23 D - 20 Married 25 years H moved out 10/11/13 H moved back in 10/13/13 H moved out again 8/1/14
