Positively moving forward

[mishka422]

H also probably wanted to have S leave early because OW's birthday is today and so she was probably wanting to spend time with H and well...it was H's weekend with S so she was probably jealous, and soon H will have to decide between OW and S.

There really is no way to know what H wants and assuming things only hurts you.

Yes, indeed, your H is being selfish and the odds are good that you are right. Assuming you are correct though may just lead to hard feelings later.

H spends no time with son because you have made it an option instead of a requirement. You texted him to 'make sure' he was bringing him at 8pm instead of the usual 7pm. Why? He had already agreed to 8pm and you gave him an out.

There are no 'outs' when you are a parent. As you said, you are his mom no matter how sick, tired, sad, angry, etc. you may be. The same thing goes for H. When it is him time to be a parent then you give him that time. Don't interfere in it. When S is having a meltdown with him because he wants to come home, then H has to figure out how to deal with it. He doesn't get to come have you parent S because he doesn't know how. He has to figure it out the same way we all do. Stop being his 'go to' girl!!!!

So, in short, STOP BEING AVAILABLE TO BAIL OUT H WHEN HE DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE THE EFFORT TO BE A PARENT!

I'm not chastising, trust me, I did the same thing until I realized that xh was pushing everything back on me because it inconvenienced him in his 'happy new life with ow' to have our son and have to actually discipline.

The key to this....be kind to yourself. Your time is strictly yours. You are not 'saving' your son by 'rescuing' him from his dad. You ar enabling your H and teaching your son that no one can comfort him but you.