Just had to post bc my mind is swimming and am having a hard time breathing.

I have a hearing today and can't stop thinking about how I was played for all of this. I can't stop thinking about how I was lied to for months. How I was played a fool. How she acted as if things were going to work. Playing that she wanted to touch me. Wanted to try and make things work. Wanted to be a family.

It hurts so much not to scream out in pain. I want to tell my kids how awful their mother is for doing this to us. I want to explain that it was SHE the destroyed us. HER that doesn't care about the family. HER selfishness that moved us all the way across the country.

But I can't. I'm not like that. I'm too good to stoop to her level. I will never be a part of the dregs of society that she is now associated with.

Please tell me, how to cope with this? I feel betrayed. I feel used. I feel worthless. I do never want to be a part of this person's life ever again. I do know that for certain. Now it's just dealing with the pain.

How have you all dealt with it?

m 40
w 38
married 15
together 18
d11, d8
bomb 12/19/10
2nd bomb 3/30/11
COMPLETELY DONE