That little engine that will ...

[MeMyselfandI]

Wow, I guess it’s been a while since my last post. Communication has remained steady with some joking although he has remained somewhat guarded. H has been in and out of town on business travel the past couple of weeks and there have been a few birthdays in there, some hockey and just busy time.

The first birthday was H’s Grandfather who turned 94. I had the kids call to wish him a happy birthday; they hung up before I got a chance. Three days later was my birthday. H sent a text first thing in the morning: “Happy Birthday Coug, I hope you have a great day”. I joked that I would thank him but he just called me a cougar and he responded that if I wasn’t still pretty then he couldn’t call me that so it was a compliment. H took the kids for my birthday so I could go out and celebrate. I also got a call from H’s grandparents wishing me a happy birthday.

Three days later again, it was S’s 10th birthday. I took S & D out to dinner that night and we planned his birthday party for this past weekend. H is in a big hockey tournament every Easter weekend, (has been for years). He asked what we had planned for S’s b-day so I let him know we would be having a sleepover with 5 kids on Friday night and party on Saturday (with another 13 kids) from 11 am – 1 pm and he was welcome to attend. H did show up at 11 with coffee for me (I needed it too) and stayed for the duration of the party. There were a couple of laughable moments, one of the kids (who is just like one of my own), looked at H when he showed up and said “What are you doing here?” We both chuckled and he said “I thought I’d come to my son’s birthday party is that ok?” Also, an odd thing, I went up to my en-suite at one point and walked in on H who was using the facilities. I was kinda dumbfounded and he looked at me and said, “I’m having a pee.” I said OK and shut the door, but the funny thing is, there are two other bathrooms in the house, all the kids were outside playing hockey and he had to walk right by one of the main bathrooms to get to my room to use my bathroom. Only reason to go into my room that I can think of would be to spy … odd some of the things the MLC mind will make you do!

Anyway, party was great. We worked as a team as we always had in the past. At the end, he came and thanked me for letting him come. Anyone who was reading previously would know that he pulled a pretty nasty move with our D’s b-day party and guilted our D into inviting OW instead of me. He has since broken up with OW and admitted what he did was wrong regarding D’s b-day so I’m sure he felt bad and likely hoped that I would retaliate by not inviting him to S’s b-day. I didn’t and never would!

H also called me to come by on Thursday and drop off a “pass” for me to get into the hockey tournament to watch some games on the weekend. It costs to get into the rink and he has always given me a wife pass for the weekend. I think it was his subtle way of asking me to come and watch some of his games. The kids and I have gone to each of his games and will be heading over to watch him in the semi-finals (and hopefully finals) today.

This weekend has always been a bit of a sore spot for me as he has always been “absent” because of this tournament on Easter weekend, but this year, I could really care a less. The kids and I have been doing our own thing and he is still more interested in partying and such which tells me he still has a long way to go.

I asked him if he wanted the kids back tonight (Sunday) so he could do Easter hunt with them in the morning, (we did ours this morning), or early Monday morning for the same reason. He responded likely not till Monday afternoon as he was planning a party at his house on Sunday night. D was asking me when they were going back so I told her what H had said. She got angry and called H. When she hung up the phone, she started asking me why I was lying, that Daddy wasn’t planning a party at his house on Sunday night. I picked up my phone, which had text from H saying that he was planning a party for Sunday night and showed it to her. She then got angry and asked why Daddy was lying to her and I simply said, “maybe he changed his mind.” ARGHH, I hate the lying and although I still somewhat protected him by making an excuse, it was more to protect her.

All in all, I think I’m doing well and I find myself really questioning whether I would ever really want a relationship with H. More and more, I’m finding the answer is no and although it is a bit scary to think of the finality of it all, it is exciting at the same time. I really like who I’m becoming.

Sorry the post is long and kinda all over the place but it has been a while.