OK, that's obviously me thinking about how I am concerned that we have split and are growing apart, throwing in a bit of concern about how "the world" (our family) might think about this (me). Guess I have to work on that bit...

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OK, starting from the beginning. Chapter 1: What am I dealing with, here?

Certainly "The Not-So-Great Escape" - W does not want to be in a loveless marriage. Too many stresses, etc.

Certainly "Well-Meaning Friends and Family" - Although I have indicators that her MIL had instructed W to "wait it out", other family members and friends have been validating her negative feelings about me. Obviously with the intention of making W feel better, even though I could perceive (and did) it as negativity about me.

Certainly "The Media Myth-Makers" - W reads a lot of books that, while not harlequin romances, are books that have the protagonist in a crisis and how they change their lives in this trauma and find happiness, often in the arms in a man who really understands them and is their "soul mate".

And... I think those above contribute a great deal to the next, which I can also attest to following the pattern of the LBS...

Certainly "The Walkaway-Wife Syndrome" - I won't justify or rationalize, but I certainly was an active participant in this. I knew that W liked to feel in control, so I left most of the decision making to her. Especially in regard to the kids and the house and family outings and... well, I guess I pretty much let her do everything, and did my own thing.

W definitely checked the temp, often and responded with the usual "We never do anything together" and "You are always put customers ahead of us". And I did the Mars thing. And then I heard the "I am a single parent" comment as well as me not involved in family life. And I have definitely heard the "I've tried" (and he hasn't) and other stuff. Then came the indicators that showed W was starting to take control of her own life and kids, without me. Anyhow...

But then I wonder about how that might be combined with "The Anytime Midlife Crisis" - Two immediate triggers that I can see. First, FIL and MIL get S, quickly followed by D. And then MIL (and this really wasn't planned by MIL as far as I can understand) hooks up with her teen love and find themselves married within a year of her D. W certainly has said many times how she doesn't want to end up like her mom and dad, in a loveless M, etc, etc... Also, W's grandmother dies around this time, as well. Could have been a trigger for MIL to D and find "true love". Grandmother was in bad marriage and D'd, only to find her "true love", even though he had many short comings that were often pointed at by the family when he wasn't around.

So, that's what I can determine W's position and reasoning for where we're at. I, of course, did my part to this end. Not paying attention, not being involved, not meeting W's needs, etc, etc.

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So next I'll go to Chapter 2 and begin the "Seven Steps" within the next day, or two.