Well, we've been officially divorced just two weeks now, but it's been almost 4 months since I have actually seen her, and almost 9 months since we got married...
We did have a good talk last week about the areas where I broke my promises - I took it upon myself to clean that up with her and it led to some clear and honest communication that did both of us some good...
Her mom also accepted my recent offer of helping her out to go and visit for awhile as all of them were feeling stressed and wanting to be together...
And I have now asked my ex for permission to reach out to her 14 year old daughter, to see if D14 is open to me making amends for the promises I broke to her, as well.
I am doing what I can to be in a clear and open space where anything is possible, and where I am unattached to the outcome...
Thankfully, I am finally learning that thoughts and feelings cannot be relied upon to keep me on my course and being true.
Thoughts come at me constantly like radio signals, and feelings are more like a thermometer telling me the temperature of where I'm at and what's going on inside of me. They are not actually what is going on outside of me. They are not what is actually occurring or happening on the path. They are just my reactions and interpretations of what is happening on the path.
It's really not that complicated. What keeps me on course is the value of my word.
Things happen. I give them meaning. I take action or don't take action based on how I see the circumstances as occurring to me. I use language - words - to describe how things are occurring, which gives me the power to co-create my fate with God.
I have stated that I am now using our divorce as a catalyst for excellence. As the launching pad for an extraordinary quality of life. And as an opportunity to restore my integrity. For myself, with myself, by myself, and also with other people.
I do not like the thoughts and feelings of my ex-wife never being with me again in the flesh. I do not like that she has said we will never again be lovers and that she wants to start dating other people "to see how it feels."
I do not like that I am still struggling and unhappy with my results in so many different areas of my life...
And yet I know that in the whole and complete acceptance of being exactly where I am at, embracing and even choosing to be exactly where I am at...
Being absolutely clear and free and unattached to any predetermined outcome or objective, just happily being me right here in this moment...
Anything is possible.
It is my words that makes things possible. It is my integrity that makes things workable. I've discovered the only thing that makes things unworkable, is breaking our promises and agreements with ourselves and other people.
Sesame street today has been brought to you by the words "balance" and "stability", and by the number "1".
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
