I am currently struggling with this same issue on my own thread...
My W started pressuring me to open up the marriage because of her being bi, and it very nearly destroyed us. We are together now, but living in limbo. Despite me having given her permission to have other partners, that I know of she hasn't. Although I know she is actively looking. She gave me permission too, but I have decided to take the high road and not pursue anything because I know that it would just make things worse for our M. (The only reason I have agreed to this arrangement, is because after reading these forums I have come to realize that in a way she needs to discover what she truly wants before she decides to truly commit to the marriage. Like WAW who find OM and need to choose on their own to leave them, she needs to choose on her own to end this crazy game she wants to play). She herself is actively looking, but hasn't done it yet, which leads me to believe she herself is still unsure. She has expressed that she finds the STD's terrifying, and finds it hard to find people she likes(whatever that means). After being in this board I have truly started to believe that most of our sex problems probably stem from basic marriage issues. I have been trying to work it out, but it has been almost two months since either of us has had sex with anyone. We are both very HD people, but she doesn't feel comfortable with me. Some days I think it's because she lives in this fog from the constant stream of suitors that email her profile online. So here we are, both frustrated, trying to make this marriage work, but almost stuck in limbo. We have a great friendship, and through DB I have cut the number of fights, and disagreements. Yet the intimacy is still missing. This may sound crazy but I feel like we fix our marriage issues the intimacy will come back, and then the need to go outside will leave. It constantly feels like I am racing against the clock, trying to regain the intimacy before she finds someone out there. I really don't know how I would react if there was a PA. It really scares me, although I actively encourage her to pursue it. I know that if I tell her to stop it will just push her deeper, almost as if there was an OM or OW involved. So I want her to make a choice hopefully before a PA occurs...
