Ultimate Betrayal

[KEE]

25yearsmic,
I did contrast my life with his. I divorce busted for 1 year. I stood while he divorced me and prayed instead of attending court. I detached, I moved on, I was giving up on him. I was ready to graduate with a Masters. He came running back crying and asking for forgiveness. Asking for re- marriage. However, he never resolved his issues in the first place just masked his depression about his low self- esteem and MLC.
I just had his family leave my house and spoke to him. He does not want me to leave this state because he wants his security in me. However, the stakes are different now. I am alone here with no family, no grandchildren. I have to make a decision to sign a year contract by May 3rd. This time, me moving on may have to be forever

[KEE]

25yearsmic,
This is where I am at in my life. Yes, I love him and always will but I have to change my response even if its 1700 miles away. I want my moms guidance in this but she is no longer here. I have been praying for answers but the grief is to overbearing right now. I just know my worth and that God has great plans for me. I wish it could have been different because even today on the phone he said he loved me. He came up with a millon crazy reasons for leaving yet told me he was wearing his wedding ring( he never wore his ring before) He told me it just didnt work out we grew apart. All the I love you but not in love speech. I have been here before. Different time, different year. But as I said the stakes are so different now and i must make the decision for me despite how i feel. Yes, there clearly is a pattern. The only thing that I have left is NO CONTACT. Thank- you for your kind words and for your support. I am happy that you were able to get through the MLC and be sucessful!
kee

[25yearsmlc]

Kee,
Obviously your h is very confused. But this is not the first time his confusion has been so destructive. This is not a sudden crisis for him. It IS a pattern of living. As you say, you can't change him, so you have to change your response. So far you've always been available to him to return to...and eventually he does return, only to leave again.

You have the answer in you already. It's not easy but it is also Not complicated. God (& I think your mom) will see you through this, as you make a new life in a supportive place. You seem to think by moving, you'd be ending the relationship's chance of success. I doubt that. I think the opposite and besides, if this man, who has behaved so poorly, ever deserves you, it would be by joining you where you are & proving it. Not by having you remain there, in such pain, and repeating the same response you've given before, which has NOT worked for you.

Even if your h were to really change, why should you have to remain whre you have so little support? If he changes and IF you wanted him back, why couldn't that happen where you then live? There's no reason for you to stay where you are, literally and maritally. It's just too destructive. Plus, you deserve to grieve somewhere a support system exists for you.
He is the opposite of a support system. You have choice here...exercise it. Life is short and you surely know that now.
Good luck-sending you prayers

[KEE]

25yearsmlc,
I loved your post. This is his pattern for living and sometimes I feel that what I thought was MLC, is really bi-polar.
My daughter just bought a home here, so this makes my decision more difficult because we are renting it. However, she has been understanding and is looking for jobs for me back home. I have told h, no contact, so I got an ugly phone call regarding the electric bill still being in his name and he said since I am moving home, I better quit playing games. I took care of the name change today as well as closed out the bank account that was joint.
You are right. I have no support here and he is not a support system. I have to find a job and start over but I have family willing to help. Thanks for your prayers and wise words