We went for a walk around a lake and then dinner, and ... if she'd totally given up, she wouldn't have gone with me and had fun conversations, right.
That is a plus for the M. Many couples in crises do not have a friendly R. So, use those things to your advantage. Don't push for more right now.
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But if she was really interested in fixing things, she wouldn't be so tense all the time and feel a fight-or-flight reaction constantly.
One of the problems here is that she doesn't want to work to fix things. She feels drained and sees little hope, and really I think she's just dropping it in your lap to do it all. She is saying, "Make me happy......in spite of how I feel!"
That fight or flight felling....or how that brings up old memories of when I was a WAW. I felt trapped in an old, dead M with an old H who made me feel old.... Sometimes, I had to almost take off running out of the building b/c I felt the air had been sucked up by some invisible object. It's horrible living in that condition and it's not always as simple as just making the choice not to be like that way. When you reach the point of wanting to literally "run", it has become rather serious.
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Which is it, and ... well, how can I help?
Sadly, it is both. And, when she does decide to stay in the M, there will be more days of having to deal with those feelings. They don't stop just b/c we've decided to do the right thing or b/c we don't want them.
What you can do right now is to make sure you are not applying emotional pressure to her. No expectation from her. That puts a heavy burden on you. Can you do it? I bet you can b/c the requirements are lots of love and lots & lots of patients.
Another thing you can do is find out all you can about the type of depression she may have at this time in her life. However, maybe you've researched that subject in the past.
Be careful about trying to encouraging her to do things. Sounds crazy, but she'll take it from a stranger better than from you. For example, trying to encourage her to finish her studies (if I understood correctly). Being depressed will certainly cause her to lose momentum. It is actually putting pressure on her, instead of encouragement.
Going back to college at 40 might have been a lot of fun at first, but let me give you a thought from what may be the mind of a woman in MLC. She is seeing all these twenty-year old girls preparing for their futures. Maybe she started to secretly compare herself to the younger women. Maybe she got a crush on a younger man and then felt guilty or even lacking. Maybe something triggered a MLC. She sees about half her life gone and she wants more than what she presently feels. Perhaps she observed other couples (in person or in books) and they seem to have so much passion for life and for each other. Especially in novels! Oh, the hero always know exactly what the female is thinking....feelings....desires, etc. She doesn't have to tell him a thing b/c he just "knows"! They are not only lovers, but soul mates. Sound familiar?
Some people may laugh at the idea, but IMHO, books and movies has had a lot to do with the misconceptions that some women have about men.....especially thinking men should know what they want without being told. Only in books do you find that to be true!
So anyway, while being her cheerleader is wonderful....it may not be accepted in the spirit given. It's hard to explain and I've been there as a WAW in crises. My H would compliment me and it would have a negative impact on me. The OM could say the same thing, and it would thrill me. I did not have my heart open to my H. I had it open to the OM.
I think that not having that chemistry, that sexual attraction for the H causes the W to act cold. Some become bitter and hateful over time.
I remember having so much resentment and feeling that my life had been wasted during the years M to my H. I wanted to experience real passion and excitement before I died!
I went through years of wanting this and that in our MR. Then I reached a point of feeling nothing. I had no desire for anything. I felt as if something had died in me. That was a big red flag, but I didn't know it. I had become vulnerable to something....anything that would cause me to feel excitement so that I would know I was still alive. Enter....OM.
She is not the only one vulnerable. You feel lonely and rejected and that put you at risk. Please be careful while GAL. There are a lot of women out there who would not think anything about hitting on you. Although it might help your ego, it would not be worth things in the end.
Well, I hope I haven't scared you away with all this chatter. Take good care of yourself. Let us know how you're doing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sometimes, I had to almost take off running out of the building b/c I felt the air had been sucked up by some invisible object. It's horrible living in that condition and it's not always as simple as just making the choice not to be like that way. When you reach the point of wanting to literally "run", it has become rather serious. 
