Ok, so he's supposed to come home today. I didn't hear from him at all yesterday, which is somewhat odd given his behavior over the past two weeks. He assured me on Wednesday that he is coming home this afternoon. As of 11 this morning, AA still has no record of him being booked for any flight.
I almost do not want him to come home. I don't like having to pretend to be happy. I do not like having to pretend not to care. I do not like not knowing when he's going to come or go. A large part of the last one is just me being such a time nazi. I'm just hyper aware of my schedule.
I guess the good part for me is I'm going to be crazy busy over the next two weeks. I'm hoping to make my last day May 6th. I have a LOT to accomplish in that time period, so I'll be staying at work late for the most part. I can't believe I'm one month from my actual due date (and I don't think I'm going to make it there).
I hadn't cried in 3 days until yesterday. I just lost it on the way home. I cried very hard for about 20 minutes (in hindsight I probably should have pulled over my tears blurred my vision so much). My brother is now gone. He moved out yesterday. I don't need anyone. If I go into labor, I'll call a cab to get me to the hospital, and I'll notify my emergency contact and my family. My bag is backed, the car seat is installed, her diaper bag is ready and her nursery is complete. I can do it by myself.
I almost want to just wash his clothes for him, repack him, and send him away.
