Don't know where my unposted replies to everyone are, but I assume they will show up sooner or later.
Rough day today...
I've been looking back at my marriage and remembering what a mean SOB I was to my W, and that has brought on a pretty deep feeling of self-loathing. Lots of "If only I had...", "If only I hadn't...","Why didn't I listen and see the signs of trouble...". It puts a meaning to doing 180s, because those behaviors of mine contributed to my W shutting down, and it is those behaviors that need to be extinguished. Her attachment to the OM is still as strong as ever. Knowing she is deeply in love with him and is just as deeply not in love with me is a tough pill to swallow.
I'm sure there will be at least 1 reply to this telling me she made the choice to pursue the EA instead of working on our M, and that I need to remember to focus on me, not her.I know that. But it is damn hard to not think about love lost.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
