I don't think we have much disagreement here. But I take exception to the use of the words "infidelity" and "cheating". I am not recommending either and my wife and I do not cheat on each other.
The issue of cheating is one of lying, and a betrayal of trust. Open relationships are just that - they mean that we are open about what we want and do. We NEVER condone cheating and I would be terribly hurt if my wife cheated on me.
You reference a book that says: "how a long term relationship can remain lusty, erotic and loving and what natural pitfalls seemed to block that."
and that "Obviously, an open relationship allows on to side step that issue."
I agree that we need to keep a relationship exciting in that way, but an open relation doesn't "side step" the issue, but rather deals with it head on.
Having 3 ways and accepting my wife's occasional encounters with other men does add excitement to our relationship and allows me to see her differently than just "the wife" all the time. It reminds me of her sensuality. Of course, our mutual love and trust makes it all possible. If I didn't believe deeply that she was as madly in love with me as I am with her, it might be a scary thing.
As for the slippery slope argument - well everything is a slippery slope I guess. But you can always stop the slipping. Monogamy, too can be a slippery slope. People fall into patterns and sex gets boring and then less frequent and then...well I think you already know what happens.
I understand why some people react strongly to my comments, which is perhaps one of the main value of my comments. If it makes people think a little and question a little and even recoil a little then that is a good thing.
Monogamy may be a good or bad thing, but like polyamorous relationships, should not be exempt from critical analysis. And for those who find that they were married only to find that they find monogamy nearly impossible, and open relationship is a hell of a lot better than a divorce if h & w can accept it.
divorced in 2003 Married in 12/2005 born 1948 wife born 1958 divorced in 2001
