i so need help, i found out about my H A as the skyped all the time and so have the history for the past year of things that have been said and done.
the trouble is i sent the whole conversation to my work email in case i needed it for a divorce but i keep reading it and i know i am torturing myself
so i am asking if anyone has any advice how do you stop seeing the images of them together the things they have said and done
i cant get rid of the email in case i need it but i just keep toturting myself wanting to read every moment they had together how special he made her feel
One: Can you put that file into a password-protected file and send it to a good friend to keep? Then delete it off your computer so you're not tempted all the time. I understand the temptation to look at that stuff is irresistible while it's on your computer.
Two: If you had a dvd of a REALLY, REALLY bad movie - (like Gigli? lol) - would you keep watching it? Over and over? Of course not. So you need to stop watching this bad movie over and over in your mind. When you find your thoughts drifting to those chats, visualize a big red STOP sign. Sounds silly, but it does work!
i find it funny that u can be so easily pissed off at me after everything that u've done yes i was asking u to show me some luv at 7:30am but fro this answer i see now that it is a problem for u its effort ur not prepared to show me. u say theres no way ur living like this, living like what? making ur excuses to be angry with me all the time, making ur excuses as to why u cant show me any luv right now cos ur busy, ur tired, u have things to do thats what shows u care cos despite it all u make the time but again ur tellting me i not worth ur time i'm not worth ur effort despite everything u have put me through u find it so easy to luv others just not me. it sickens me to say it but we need to seperate
this is the text i have just sent him, i think really i should be posting under WAW.
ive turned off my phone i'm interested in what he has to say right now i feel it is about me for once.
although its my house were in i'm trying to find somewhere i can stop for a few nights i dont want to be here if he comes back tonight i dont want to see him pack his stuff and leave although its what ive asked him to do
i'm so scared right now, i can hardly breathe and feel overwhelmed but i also feel a sense of relief, i dont know all the consequences for telling him to go but right now i feel come what may
heavan help me i have a splitting headache ight now, please let me find the strength
i know those of you say love is a choice but for me love feels more like a feeling which once there is always there and i can either choose to listen to or choose to ignore.
yesterday i told my H we need to seperate half an hour later i get a text reply
"you're right, why be unhappy and stay with someone who needs as much help as you"
i hadn't replied so half an hour later i get another text
"this is what i need to be happy you get the divorce papers and i'll print my name on it. if i was you i'd go running back to your mom and sister"
this message is quite insulting as i have major issues with my mom and sister but again he did not get a reply so half an hour later he text
"if this is what you realy want i'll call my aunt and get a flat today. if you don't text back i'll take that as a yes"
as it happens the reason i dint text back is because i went into radio silence i was so distraught and sickend by saying we need to seperate that i took my D3 to the park for 4 hours
when i did see the texts i replied
"you know this is not what i want but where we are at right now is not working, i'm sorry for coming between you and OW perhaps you an sweet talk her into getting back with you and look at the positives now you don't need to spend anymore money on hotel rooms"
i honestly wasn't having a dig i truly am sorry for coming between them still in jealous mode i guess. i feel that i did nothing but make him unhappy and she made him happy and know i took that away from him.
10 mins after i send my text my H calls me we talk for an hour no mention of the seperation by either of us we even joke around it was like talking to my friend again and its times like this i hate as it makes me see the good in him
i know our relationship isn't all bad its just we have been focusing on the bad 10%
in our conversation my H tells me he called his aunt as he does not know what to do. i could tell that he is hurt and in panic and doesn't want us to end which he has been saying since i found out.
after our conversation H texts me
"i'm sorry i don't expect you to forgive me. don't just sit there and let it take over you. i'm working straight through with no break to take my mind off"
i'm still not sure if he will be coming home but i have prepared myself that he isn't.
i keep myself busy by going out and come home late at night just before i know he would usually get back.
H does come home which is sort of comforting but awkward. i was in bed so he asks me to come downstairs so i do. we talk about general stuff i avoid any R talk. after an hour i say i'm going to bed now H tells me not to go he wants to talk so i tel him i'm listening as its always me who does all the talking
H doesn't say anything i can tell he wants to but doesn't we decide to go to bed which is nice as i usually go to bed alone. whilst in bed H holds me which felt great but so confusing why did he not listen before and do all of this all the while.
later on in the middle of the night we ML during this H is sort of talikng to me about how he feels, i must say this is the second time he has done this this week i mea since i found out we have ML 3 times which is alot for us.
i listen to him and validate but i do say to him why talk whilst ML?? i still hear the mantra believe nothing of what they say and only half of what they do be it good or bad.
i'm just so confused, if anyone has any insight as to what is unfolding here i woul dbe very greatful to hear it
this morning H wants to talk and to be honest this is the first talk we have had that has been so open and honest.
H says he can't explain why he was with OW but knows that something was lacking in himself and he knows he needs to work on that.
in terms of us he has felt just as lonely and unwanted by me. he explained how i'm always asing for love and affection but never give it and he gave me precise examples. i validated and admitted that i hadn't that i had gotten so used to being cold and hardened and now understand why he didn't feel the need to be more affectionate as i felt the same
but we both agreed we loved each other very much and want to grow old together.
so we decide on working to the future the first steps are;
- to find him someone to talk openly too about his feelings and reasons why he had OW
- be more affectionate with each other
- make more time for each other
- for me to GAL and have a PMA
we know more steps will be need and it is going to take time and effort but i believe if we both try we can make this work. Its funny how once he realised i was serious about seperating he become responsive and open.
I truly hope that this is the beginning of a long and wonderful future for you both.
Keep listening, keep talking, stay happy.
FF999
Me 48 W 49 D19, S17, D14 Together 25yr, Married 22yr Me checked-out July 10, back Sept 10 W checked out Nov 10 Separated Dec 10 ILYBNILWY 2nd Apr 11 We're finished + D bomb 17th Apr 11
