Another New Day 2

[islander]

9
You are right about the degrees of detachment. I have definitely moved past the crazy days as you put it. And to be honest I am probably equal to the good and bad days I have been having, or atleast getting close. That is definitely an improvement.

Kaffe

You are right. I am not attracted to my W right now. I can't stand who she turned into. I am attracted to the photo album of my W and our life that I have burned into my memory right now. I know I need to close that book right now, I am just having a difficult time with it.

I am afraid of the outcome too, and I know I can't be concerned about it as much as I am. I do know that I will be better than ok one day. The future will just be different than I had planned. I am so scared of not being in my SD life also, but again, that is not my choice. I can't control that. It just hurts.


I am nervous about my W dropping off my SD in the morning, probably bc this is the first time she will see my parents since all this happened. I know my parents will treat her good. I don't think she will stay long either, probably a quick drop off. I am working tonight, and think I will go for a run in the morning. If she drops her off early, I won't see her except maybe while I am running. Hat would be ideal, but probably won't be timed right.

[islander]

W tm me a minute ago. Wants to know if I am going to olput my SD clothes in a suitcase. I reply ofcourse, just like we always do.

I feel like reminding her that I am not the one who has lost their mind. I have not forgotten how to be a parent or what responsibility is.

Idk but it seems as if she is contacting me a lot more about nothing these last few days. But I am getting tired of feeling like I am waiting on her every word, wondering what she is going to do next.

[♪CS♪]

But I am getting tired of feeling like I am waiting on her every word, wondering what she is going to do next.

Then don't

Her contact might be a positive sign. But don't overthink it.

Like I said. Every contact is a chance to DB. Use it.

[islander]

I am trying. Sometimes I think I am starting to detach without thi king about it, by virtue of the rollercoaster. It's a rough ride. Then other times, I get sucked back in.

Trust me, I am not over thinking the contact either. I obviously think about it, but I don find myself reading into it as much as I used to. I am just getting tired and worn out/down.

[islander]

I got home from work this morning and ran 3 miles. It was tough at first being that I worked all night, but it felt good when I was done.

W text me shortly after I got done.

W: u awake?

M: Just got done running

W: I am jealous! I haven't ran all week and feeling withdrawls but I was able to spend the week with D

M: thats good. I have ran alot this month but haven't got to the gym

W: I saw on runkeeper. I'm on my way.

When W dropped off my SD, I was outside finishing stretching. We talked for a min about SD, she gave me her clothes, said she was starting to cry and had to go. I said bye and she left.

Several hours later, W tm me again.

W: Did D leave already?

M: In a few minutes

W: sorry I started crying

M: no problem

M: Both the girls keep asking to leave for XXX. They're excited.

W: I bet. D was in a good mood this morning. I am glad I got to spend the last two nights with her.

W: I wanted to see SD too, but thought it would be too hard this morning.

M: Good. I am glad she is excited too. She was playing my electric guitar this morning.

W: good, how are your parents?

M: Good. Same as always. Excited to have the girls.

W: I wanted to see them but wasn't sure how it would have felt

W: I'm going to start crying again and I have to get ready for work..I am going to let you go for now.

M: ok


Overall, I think I handled everything very well today, and I felt good about it too. I don't know why she is crying? other than she is not as happy as she would want me to believe she is. or who knows.

My girls were both very excited today, and we had a good morning with my parents. After they left, I went to the gym and had a good workout. Now I am going to stay busy around the house for the next 2 days. This is the first weekend I have been alone without any kids, and my inlaws went out of town this weekend. So it is just me. I feel pretty good right now, and I hope by staying busy I will continue to.