The threads were passed around for years here since I actually got ceberon to log on here and interact with me towards the end of my DB'ing. Alot of people found it useful and got to ask him questions to get the WAH point of view.
He left me one day because he was unhappy in the R and it got to the point where he had to do something about it - get out and get a D. (Hmm does this sound familiar?) He ran to a mutual friend who knew that I was having an affair. She told him and became the OW in his life. He basically lived with her while I tried to patch things together from afar. What worked? Going dark and no pressure communications. Apologizing. Taking responsibility for my mistakes in the relationship. Being his friend again. Letting him feel like he had control over his life and his decisions. Respecting his choices. Periodically sending long, thoughtful emails about the situation and making sure he knew that I was still there fighting for us.
Eventually I gambled on showing him this forum. He is a very computer oriented person so he absorbed this and information from the books. The reason he came home is because he realized that there were tools out there that could help us work through it.
I just want to throw the caveat out there that this won't work for everyone. The key for me was that I figured out my spouse enough as to how he processed information, how he preferred to communicate and what made him feel comfortable. I then used that information in ways that I thought made sense.
Writing this has really helped me. I think we let things slide over the 7 years since patching it back together and forgot/stopped using alot of the things we learned here. Thanks for the opportunity to go through all this again guys.
