I can give you a million reasons why I don't think there is an OW. The main reason is because I was the one with the affair last time and he was really hurt, he knows how devastating that can be. He's not really that kind of guy in general. I'm not sure how he would find the time. Lastly, I brought it up a couple different times and he denied it saying he knew that was no option based on our past experiences.
Now even with all that, can we ever really know for sure? No.
His family is very active and he has felt bad his entire life that he wasn't as active. He took the move to Seattle as a way to change his life, his interests, his friends and everything.
I'm trying what worked last time. Namely - written communication that challenges his current thought processes, going dark and trying to remove me pressuring him and... time I guess. I'll see how it goes. I wrote him a long email that laid out everything and asked him to read and process, not to respond right away. H e agreed. Then I left for my parents and have plans to not talk to him. Getting me out of the house will allow him to relax and de-stress because he can't do it with me there.
He definitely does have insane amounts of stress at work. He often thinks about changing jobs, he works at work and at home and on weekends and all hours of the day. He looks at jobs in other countries, thinks about moving and just talks about making changes in general because he feels so trapped at work. I brought up the fact that I thought it might have something to do with the decision to D but he doesn't feel it is contributing. (I really don't know how that's possible but all I can do is plant the seed.)
It may be a bait and switch, that's an interesting thought.
