lily2011, You said that you have been "acting AS If" for 8 weeks. How long prior to your change in relating to him of 8 weeks ago have you noticed a change in the way that he treats you as his wife?
Fortunately, my wife and I have not dealt with any affairs in our marriage. I am pretty sure of this. Any changes in the way that my wife treats me are related to how she is feeling about or living situation and how difficult our life is right now. The past 5 months have been especially difficult for us, for 7 months I have been unemployed and we are now living with her parents and we just had our fourth child. She is able to turn her feelings around and as a result our strained marriage is re-strengthened.
I bring this up because if her feelings for me and the way she treats me started to become unending or if she was unwilling to work things out with me, I would then take that as a possible sign of an affair.
So my advice is to ask yourself, "When did he start treating me like he did not love me anymore?" Then ask yourself, "How long ago did he give up trying to work things out for the marriage together with me?"
This advice and the answers to those questions may give you an indication of an actual affair, and how long it may have been going on. At least you may know when he started to struggle with the temptation of possibly having an affair.
It seems that right now you have pretty solid evidence of an affair but no smoking gun or confession yet. Perhaps having a starting point of his unusual behavior towards you may act as a starting point for any possible investigation into proving and further validating your suspicions.
At the least you can have a starting point for your recollection of his unusual behavior towards you. If you have a starting point as a frame of reference you may better be able to recall any signs of an affair that you may have overlooked at that time to further prove your suspicions and or build a case against him.
It seems to me like you really want to try to make the marriage restored and you do not a divorce (forgive me if I am wrong) but reconciliation has to be made in the light of his truly owning up to his mistake for a beginning. He may confeess (cannot stand the guilt he feels anymore) or he may not be able to deny your proof. Either way that would be a beginning.
I believe in marriage restoration after an affair because I have witnessed it in the lives and marriages of dear friends, but there was always confession, repentance, focus on the needs of the cheated on spouse and then the marriage and then forgiveness.
