Lily, I suggest doing the following - 1) do a free consultation with an atty. Do not tell your H or leave notes lying around where he might see them. 2) Copy/save what financial records you can. Begin stockpiling some cash and consider what you would do if suddenly his income was not accessible to you and you had to meet expenses. 3) Consider a DB coach package - when my H moved out, I called, completely freaked out. It was $$, but that call alone was probably worth it. It helped me hold it together for my kids the next few weeks. I hadn't started posting on here yet, it was too raw/I was going moment to moment - good for you for being so strong. 4) Focus on the result you want - when you say you are a good Christian woman who wants to not change who you are, I think you are thinking in a good vein. BUT, you will need to change who you are a little. Sit down and look at yourself honestly....good habits and bad. What have you gotten lazy or careless about? A lot of women lose track of their dreams and goals, as I did, so I did a bucket list and have been attacking it as part of my getting a life.
I also really looked at what I did to contribute to the situation. The drugs are a very possible trigger for your situation, but you should still look at yourself and think about what you can improve. You DID NOT deserve this - no question. Look at it this way...the pipes exploded in the upstairs bathroom, are you going to remodel it to how it was or make it the best, new version of your beloved home that it can be?
For better or worse, this is your life. You probably don't want to be bogged down in hatred and anger. You probably want to be able to say, I did everything I could to live up to my vows. Take care of yourself though. Find a few close friends you'd lost track of, set boundaries, if you need to - you can step back for a bit and take a time out.
5)Assume for now that there is another woman and protect yourself accordingly.
6) Your H will be ugly and hateful for awhile. Later, if you can keep things civil and calm, he'll start to come back to himself (assuming it's not all the meds). Try to have compassion for him (no need to tell him or anything like that). He probably hates himself now and has rewritten your history to justify the crap he pulled. Focus on the good things you can do. Watch for him to start being your friend again, mentioning music or article, etc. Listen really well. Don't force talks. Slowly start to share the new things you are doing, some of the time - keep some mystery. At some point he should stop being a jerk and you'll start to have fun interacting again.
