Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 4

[AJM80]

Guys - I could give you a lot of feedback on this from the other side, but it seems a bit misplaced. maybe when you are farther along and working on reconciling, then I can give you some tips on what is wife rewriting past/justifying her actions and what things really hurt that guys do all the time. For now, it's not about the crap your wife put you through or the crap you put her through. It's not about dwelling on all the things you could have done differently. It's about figuring out who you are and who she is. About being the best version of yourself that you can, inspiring her to do the same, getting her to miss what you had, have hope for what could be.

We're solution oriented here. Take the feedback from the past and use it constructively or get it out of your head. Don't let it drag you down. Take what she says with a grain of salt. I started to type and was so fired up I got just thinking about the things H "did to me", the affair didn't even make the list. It was things like not buying flowers I like, handing me the baby and getting pissy if I pushed back (like, to take my shoes off and wash my hands when i walked in the door), wanting a medal for doing the laundry (but not giving me any warning, so half my stuff never made it in the wash) or dishes (but not realizing that I was cleaning every other room in the house on a regular basis)...yeah, cheating on me PERIOD, but especially while I was pregnant is on there...but there's a lot of goofy stuff that just wears on a girl.

I can really identify with WAWs. Men and women get in a bad cycle sometimes and it's just each partner getting a script into their head about not being appreciated and not feeling loved and valued. Women have too many roles as a mother/wife/employee/etc - it seems like wife usually gets the short end of the stick and the relationship goes south.

Just do the best you can, remember you're building your future. Talk to someone - for now here and a counselor, but later you need to open up to your wife or whatever women is in your life. Let each other in. That's the greatest gift you can give her, make her feel valued and treasured and safe. Women need to feel safe.