Hey OMW. Thanks for that.

What I did recently, the bit of all the emails was, like you've said in your sitch, "an experiment".

I realized that dark, or more accurately n/c, was actually "more of the same". See, when W had an issue with me, she'd fester on it. She'd give me the silent treatment. I often did the same, although I was more apt to talk to her about my issue. Still, silent treatment was the norm.

You know... the brave "let it roll off your back" and "choose your battles" mentality and behaviours.

So I figured in our current sitch, a "proper" 180 would be to initiate conversation, good AND especially bad. Talk about it and have open communication, rather than saying nothing. She complained recently about not wanting to end up like her mom and dad. They would go (as she recounts) a month without talking. The had separated once (for a year) when she was about 13 and have recently divorced, about two years ago. Much of that could be pointed to as poor (no verbal) communication between the two.

Not suggesting this as better, but my mom and dad would communicate when there was a problem. Boy... would they communicate. They'd yell, scream, swear, throw things, yell, throw more things, yell, scream... Not sure if that was real clear... ;-)


People can say that both ways are wrong. Here's the thing... MIL and FIL are divorced. My mom and dad...? Will celebrate 47 years married this year. I can only go by what I know. I find that people who at least yell and scream, if they can't talk with their inside voices, seem to be yelling and screaming at each other 25 and 50 years later. Because many of them still seem to be married, as opposed to those who stop communicating all together.

So, it was just an experiment. To see what would come out. I'd say it was actually good results, even though it didn't lead towards R.

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Now like I said, it was actually interesting and good results. So that actually begs the question, "if that's a true 180 in our sitch, why stop?" I don't know. I'm stopping because I'm not supposed to contact W and do this type of communication with her...

*shrug*