I know she is not ready to look at any type of counseling/marriage weekends, etc. She is still in the A fog, though not nearly as much as 6 weeks ago, from what I can tell. In the first three weeks I snooped and would then confront her with what I found. Not doing that anymore. Like you all say, I can't control her actions. Fortunately the OM is 1500 miles away.
Her closed door Skype sessions are with her sister. I know that because they are two New York Italians (with some Spanish & Cuban mixed in...) and tend to get very loud. I have resigned myself to letting her have her privacy if she wishes, and yes, I knock before entering only as a courtesy. She does not make any attempt to hide what she is doing, which so far is just talking to the sister. Kaffe Diem, you nailed it with your observation about the sister being another emotional outlet. I'm working on letting that situation roll off my back.
About week 3 was when she started looking at houses & apartments, and realized very quickly there was no way she could move out on her own. She has not looked since, and the subject has dropped off the radar. I have no intention of forcing her out; my thinking is that as long as she is here, there is some connection I can work with.
Sandi2, you asked what 180s am I doing? I've stopped sending texts and e-mails throughout the day the way we used to. I am resisting the urge to talk about the M, the OM, the EA, R or anything associated with them. Some days are more successful than others. I make plans with friends and just go without discussing it with W, other than letting her know I am going out. I'm exercising and lifting weights again to get back into shape. Reading a lot more.
And I took a motorcycle safety course, got my license and bought a jet black Yamaha V-Star 650. Never said a word to her, just rode it into the driveway this week. It was a classic jaw-dropping moment for her. I'm really enjoying reinventing myself. And if the worst happens and we divorce, nobody can take away what steps I've taken to improve.
I have looked back at our marriage, and I admit I was a real S.O.B. for a long time. Anger issues, selfishness, resentment toward her kids (which thankfully I worked through and now we get along very well), my high sex drive compared to her not-so-high SD; all of these took their toll, and I understand how she felt she could not trust me with her intimacy. The last few years were much better, I thought, but according to her the damage had been done. All I can do now is ensure that man is buried and build a new man.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
