Was she referring to her words & behavior from fighting with you? Did she actually come clean about the A and tell you she was willing to commit to working on the M? I didn't see that. I saw her emotional and giving you a hug, but trust me when I tell you that is a very long way from cooperating with how you feel in working on the M.
Let's say that she did come clean about everything. Let's say that she told you she wanted to start over with a new MR. Here's the thing, I think she will discover that it is much harder to end that EA than she thought. Since you've researched the subject, you probably already know that she is addicted. That addiction will be what tempts her to contact OM.
I hope you did not tell her that you had watched the messages go back & forth with OM. This will be your greatest means of knowing for sure if the A has ended. However, if she thinks you are monitoring her....she'll go deeper undercover.
Having a closed door while on her computer is usually a dead give-away. Has she "always" kept a closed door? Do you have to knock before entering?
I think your part of the conversation was really good. I do suggest, however, that you don't remind her that you are fighting for the M, nor continue to tell her how much you love her. Not until you know she's ended it with OM.
Remember, don't tell her anything in anger and then not do what you told her.
You know what you will not tolerate and you know what is the most important thing for you in a MR.
A WAW in an A has a unique talent of making the LBH feel that he has to win her trust. Remember that she is the one who has strayed and she is the one who needs to prove she can be trusted. Don't depend upon just her words. Yes, there is a point that you will trust again, but for a while, her actions will tell the truth a lot more than her words.
BTW, what are the 180's you're doing?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
