Messed up

[jt2007]

Fast Forward--
We did not get the divorce. It is still in the court and can be revived up to three years...so what I signed is good for three years!!
Please think about this if you are going through signing papers to be "filed"
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Fast forward-- he went on several business trips and stepped on something and got a frekin systemic infection (his whole body was in sepsis)

We traveled to his brothers hous for Thanksgiving..ended up in the hospital out of state.

He went into kidney failure (he had deminished kidney function to begin with)

They wanted to cut his foot off the infection was in the bones!! We were 600 miles away from home.
Got his kidneys stable and booked it back home where we have one of the most famous hospitals in the country.
They were able to save his foot.
But had a pretty bad wound from where they had to cut out the infections.

The next 6 months I spent taking care of him as in HOME HEAltH!!
Pain pills, nutrition, wound care the whole bit.

All this time I had to put my feelings aside of how he treated me and what had happened.
God just works in strange ways.

If it had not been for that situation im not sure my husband would have had the chance for reflection and slowing down.
I would not have had the chance to improve to myself the things I needed to grow in my 180.

He is getting better and almost healed now. It has taken a toll on me but It has brought us back into a relationship that we can actually work on now.

He realizes he is in a midlife moment and I have realized I can be seperate from him as a person . It hurts still, but I think I can use this site to help me keep perspective.

I am just thankful that our family has a second chance..
he is even talking about us being old together.
I have heard him say that he is to old to start over with someone else...LOL
and Even though I know things can change in moments, I still will have a difficult time trusting and loving as if nothing happened
That cold spot is still always going to be there for me, unless I can find somewhere to let it go.

Not sure what covers that...time, situation, or concious effort to love as if I have never been hurt.