The reason being, documenting things like... time spent with children. "Disparaging" words. ie. potential slander. Financial concerns. In other words, "What you say might and can be used against you in a court of law".
It becomes a situation where they (or you, be careful) might say something like "If you do (insert bad thing here), I'll make sure you never see the kids again", because they might also be keeping a record of what you're saying to them such as "I'll make sure I drain the bank accounts before you see one red cent".
It is just a matter of protecting yourself, like you might if you feel there is a problem in the work place.
KD - hey man, I'm sorry your sitch has taken a turn like this. It just really stinks when we have to look at these kind of things like protecting ourselves, documenting, etc.
Thanks, MyK. Yeah, that's all it really is. Journal to keep notes and vent, but also try to document factual information and evidence if possible. This is something that should be burned if the M turns positive. It is not meant as a sword. It is meant as a shield.
and thanks, jb. I was told to do this early on, before I even moved out. I did not. It's only been recently, while I've been here, that I've taken to more accurate documenting in my threads. Just in case. In fact, I've destroyed a lot of documentation that might have been relevant, "just in case". But it remains balance with me.
I trust that things will work out "for the best", but there's nothing like a little protection, just in case.
Got a call about an hour ago from what will be our "mediators". A program that we will be able to tap into, which apparently does mediation for the complete S and D, starting with kids.
They go through a questionnaire and some of it is quite... unnerving. Questions about abuse, about who left whom and why... I get that it needs to be so, it's just tough to get into some of the more sordid details. At one point I told the woman "I've said that, but I do not want that on the record. I do not know if I want that fear known, whether real or perceived." She told me the questionnaire is in complete confidence and will not come up in mediation. So I thanked her and said, "then I'm feeling better about my answers and I'll leave them as they stand".
That's why a lot of the information I've been putting on here is so long and involved. While I am so appreciative to have the help of the members on this board, it also helps me to document what's going on, for protection sake, as well as to be able to go back and see what changes have occured as recommended in DR. I think it's helpful as a way to see in what ways I've grown as well. But it's awful that we have to document in such ways as to protect ourselves from whatever alien has taken over our WAS.
Hey diM. Hope it's on the 11th! That was a great day in this world, almost 44 years ago... ;-)
I agree also with your suggestion that it's a great way to review if, what, and how things change over this time. I would say even in the case of MLC. We can see if there's more "reasoning" beginning to occur or just "more of the same."
For example, emailed W after call from mediators to tell her I'd been in contact with them and we're now "officially" on the wait list.
be careful with notes and stuff... just served last month and I had to turn over all documentation of wife's behavior and conduct for the past 3 years .... notes, calendars, photos, video, anything. You sign that you have turned over everything too. It is a legal document.
H 50 w 49 M 26yrs d 20 s 18 s 16 ILYBNILWY 12/10 stbxw filed 3/2011
I have a question: Why do you spend so much time contacting W? It seems you are emailing her a lot and always having conversations. If she needs space, give it to her. If she feels you always controlling everything, don't - let the chips fall; let her be responsible for herself.
Like I always say, be careful what you ask for, you might get it. In my sitch, my WAW wanted out, now she's out. Turns out it's a cold, hard world out there. Too bad for her.
Going dark is for you. It will give you a chance to clear your head and put things in perspective. From all your posts, it seems you still "need" her for your "fix." If it's over, let her go. And do not, under any circumstances, be accessible or accommodating. Even if it's about the kids. She's an adult parent - time for her to step up and act like it. And, if you're not ready for the D, then stop helping. She's never gonna respect you for having been a "nice guy" through all this.
Sometime you gotta give a man (or W) enough rope, so he can hang himself.
Doing a 180 is as much for you as for your M. This counts for what you've done for GAL. If you don't have one started yet, then do a full 180 and get to it. Stop doing what doesn't work. Detachment will be your biggest 180 yet. Get it done.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
M: 45 WAW: 36 T: 17 M: 14 Kids: D9 ILYBNILWY: 6/2010 W left: 2/2011 W back: 2/2012
