"Done"... WAW? MLC? Just relationship trouble?

[NEmoose43]

Hmmm, I may have to try "His Needs, Her Needs" too. Have you read through 5LL? Got some great insight into myself from it, maybe that one will help as well, especially because she brought up "spark" and "emotional connection" stuff.

Totally get where you're coming from though. That "emotional connection" wasn't there for us either, and it's been a big 180 for me to show more support for W's goals with school, work, etc. I always shared her goals, but I learned the hard way that I wasn't showing that to her in the way she needed to see it. And trying to strike that balance between detaching and maintaining the connection is such a tough one...still fighting myself on it all the time.

Having W get out of our house for a bit, as painful as it was, is actually helping us I think. With work and school on top of dealing with me, she was stressed WAY out. Since she couldn't step away from work and school, guess that left me with the short end of the stick! The thing is though, and I think this is something you might need to think about, when W was with me, she was constantly worried about how I would react to every little thing she did and I was constantly trying to dissect everything to figure out what it meant about us. It wasn't something we talked about until after she left, but when we were together, it didn't allow her any time to process or deal with anything she was thinking or feeling because she constantly had to worry about how I was going to feel.

Now I'm not suggesting you tell her to go away and figure herself out, but just like me, you need to detach brother! It is the hardest thing I've ever done, like trying to will my heart to beat less or something, but I've already seen differences in just a few days. Detach, validate, no R talk...Detach, validate, no R talk...

And if you're on the fence about a DB coach, I'd give it a shot. Laurie has been absolutely amazing for me, keeps me so focused on solutions and goals while still giving me a place to vent. Worth every penny so far!

I see lots of positives there for you Hoswald, keep it up!