I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

I was thinking a bit more about my girls encouraging me to find someone else. I think D8's feelings will evolve. D12 is a fixer. She wants everyone to be happy and she gets upset when they aren't.

The next time it comes up I want to say something along the lines of, "I appreciate it. But you shouldn't worry about mom's happiness or dad's happiness. We'll be fine. You should just worry about your own happiness."

My divorce recovery class on Tuesday's has a week where they talk about how a family should be structured. The "inner circle" is the husband and the wife. The linked circle has the children. Everyone else, friends, sisters, brothers and parents, are outside the circle.

Essentially, parents should release their children. STBXW's mom never did and they have a very weird relationship. I remember the first time STBXW talked about MIL, she said she was "perfect."

Then I met her and .... she's not.

Our holidays always revolved around the MIL. The summers always revolved around MIL's campground. STBXW wanted the girls, it appeared to me, to recreate her childhood.

Funny thing is STBXW's childhood didn't appear to be all that happy. One summer, MIL didn't talk to her three daughters for three months other than to say breakfast/lunch/dinner was ready or it's time for bed because she was mad at them.

STBXW was out on the party circuit drinking and going from guy to guy because of self-esteem issues by 14. Her dad ignored her and her mom bounced from smothering to indifference.

Since the split, STBXW spends lots of time with MIL -- and now so does D12 and D8. It's a bad cycle. I want the girls to spread their wings and fly when they are done with college -- not sit on a secluded deck in some campground in the middle of nowhere reading romance novels and complaining about the neighbors.