update on my sitch II

[what next?]

"i agree with this completely but i feel like i have given her that time to be alone."

This isn't up for you to decide if SHE has had enough time to be alone. That's her decision. You can't go according to your timetable. Just hers.

Is that how you live your life? Through someone else's schedule? You're single. Treat yourself as such for now. Not in terms of going out with other people, but in terms of understanding that she is not yours to control. You control your own life and start living it.

"i just want to initiate some contact on real light level."

You said you already have. You just want more. She's the one who needs to initiate talk that's more than just logistics.

And what makes you think that she doesn't realize that you're still there. She knows. That's good and bad. She knows subconsciously that if things fail for her, you can be the second choice. You need to stop contacting her for that myth to get shaken out of her.

"i was never afraid to contact her... i was afraid to contact her in person."

You were afraid...period.

She called you for strictly logistical stuff before. She only called you when she needed you for something. She hasn't asked how you were doing, etc. You can start the positive interactions when she starts initiating calls to see how you're doing.

it's really not very helpful for you to take things out of context and twist my words around...

i was never afraid to contact her through text or email. i didn't want to break down and lose the progress i had made through going dark at that time. that is the truth and if you go back and look at my threads you will see that that was my fear. i knew that i needed to look strong and breaking down when talking to her in person meant that no matter what i was saying i wouldn't be able to come across as anything but weak. i wanted to be able to control the tone of my message and felt that doing that through email was way more effective.

i haven't been initiating contact of any kind. there has been light contact but she initiates... the question i am posing is should i start initiating. she always asks me about my family or how i am doing in pretty much that very communication that we have had. the frequency of our conversations went down when i stopped asking questions and just let conversations die.

i'm not saying that it is up to me to decide when she has been alone long enough i'm saying that based on her reaction to me asking how she is doing i believe that she is feeling really alone and now would be a good time to offer her a shoulder to lean on.

i really do appreciate constructive criticism but for you to twist my words is of no help at all.