Running out of time

[punkin]

Goodfight,

You may not have caught this in my thread, but this is the 2nd time around the MLC-go-round for me. First time was in 2002. I don't believe he ever finished, or completed his journey, at that time. I've lived with it for a long, long time. Just had to live without him as of last year.

I also talk to God and ask him for what I would like to happen, but I also know to Thank God for unanswered prayers sometimes, as well.

Again, I say go as dark as possible. He's a complete bag o'nuts and he's making you one. Misery loves company.

Don't count yourself out for strong. You've held on for two years, when most would have chucked it by now. You have a strength all your own.

One thing, IMHO, don't tell him you are standing for your marriage. Don't tell him you are doing anything other than living your life. I believe he is enjoying bouncing you off a string far too much. ((HUGS))

[MrBond]

GF,

Think about him as a little kid. When you don't pay them attention what do they do? They cry louder, they get angry that you're not paying attention to them, wah wah wah.

DO NOT feel like you pushed him away by not responding to him. It has been his decision on how to act. Stand strong and take care of yourself. He might get vindictive for you not seeing to HIS needs. BS. Take care of your needs first.

[Goodfight]

Thanks once again Punkin and Mr. Bond.

I believe you are right too Punkin about loving me being on a string. He was the one always pursuing during dating all the way till the day he left. So I think he is enjoying seeing me upset and all of the other stuff because he always thought I would leave him because he thought he wasn't good enough for me.

Mr.Bond, are you M,S, or D? You are also right, they take temper tantrums. But he doesn't see he is digging himself in deeper and deeper. I think he is so messed up and honestly believes he could stop the D which he can but doesn't realize all the money that is being wasted until he is 100% sure that is what he wants. He told me many times that he was confused when we would talk face to face. But on the phone or text he would say he wants the D.

Oh, another thing he said too is that it won't be final anyway for a few months....yeah and???

[jon2911]

Here's another way to look at it GF:

Your NC worked very well. And you invited him to the confirmation and told him the door is still open. You didn't get the reaction you were hoping for, but don't worry about that.

I agree with everyone else: time for more NC. Leave him alone. Right now he thinks you are the problem, that D will solve it, and there's NOTHING you can do to change his mind. He's going to have to figure out that his problems are still there without you. You are strong enough to do this.

[Goodfight]

Thanks Jon. Where I'm confused is that from the very beginning of this mess he thought I was the problem and for over 2 years he still thinks I'm the problem.....off and on. Mostly on.

Do they ever realize that we aren't the problem? If so, when? I mean, they leave us, they treat us like crap, have no responsibilities, and still think they need that piece of paper. For what? Especially my H....there isn't OW, I don't know if it's game playing or what to think.

I read on Rejoice Marriage Ministries where some do come to their senses right before the D is final, but is crazy. My H claimed he was always confused but let his family (I really believe), make his decision as far as filing for a D in the first place and now because of all the friction and fighting with his family and him and our D14 they are really pushing him. What I wouldn't do to know how he really feels and what he really wants.

[jon2911]

GF, I know it's tough to understand, but my C told me very early on:

When a spouse decides you're the problem, there's nothing you can do to change their mind. Leave him alone and let him figure it out.

[MrBond]

GF,

My W and I are S. She has maintained that she doesn't "love" me and that she doesn't "feel" like being married anymore. Total nonsense from someone who didn't actually "work" for the M any how. For now, it's an escape for her where she doesn't want to face reality.

Your H has been showing emotion on some level, so that means that he's still in it to a certain degree. That's why I believe yours can be salvaged.

[Goodfight]

I'm sorry to hear that Mr. Bond but see, I still believe that there is still hope for you. If she didn't want to be married anymore than why hasn't she divorced you yet?

I think they are all confused and they all want to escape reality.

I hope you are right as far as my sitch, about being salvaged.

Jon, and Mr. Bond, I had an appointment with my L on Monday at 4:00 he called and asked if I could come Tuesday cause something came up. I told him yes, so I go and wait and wait until 5:00. He never showed, so I just wrote him a note to call me etc. So he had called around 5:30, and told me how sorry he was but something took a lot longer than it was suppose to and he didn't have my number on him. He did try to call the office but the secretary was gone.

We have a meeting on Monday now at 4:00 to answer the settlement agreement that H's lawyer sent. What a joke.....most of the stuff isn't even in there as far as the bills go. Anyway, I was hoping it was a sign from God that it keeps getting postponed.

I am leaving H alone. Really don't have a choice since he has changed his phone number, but I wouldn't have contacted him anyway, but I know D14 wants to talk to him, because she misses him. I told her, that he is sick again and when he gets better I'm sure he will contact her. Just praying he goes to her Confirmation and doesn't hurt her.

Mr. Bond, are you still trying to save your M? Are you Standing for it? Take care and thank you for all of your help. You and Jon have been great to me.

I had a lot of people on this board that have helped me, don't get me wrong but I think they got tired of hearing how depressed I was, and how long it has taken me to GAL.

Thanks

[Goodfight]

Well,

Met with my L yesterday and he told me that H's L doesn't get along with anyone (other Ls). And that she also doesn't settle on anything. So looks like H picked a winner.

So my L came up with a counter proposal and is sending it to H's L and he called her and left a message that she will be receiving it by Thursday. I asked him if she ever does that with him.....call and let him know ahead of time. He started laughing and said no. She doesn't get along with anyone, and she would never go out of her way to contact another L.

I was very upset when I was there and when I left. It just seems so final. My L doesn't think she will agree to our proposal and thinks it will go in front of a judge and will cost a lot of money for me and H. I don't have it, so I have NO clue what I would ever do. And H's lawyer has already said if we can't settle she was going to have a Master appointed.

I also tried to contact H's Father's side like a fool and just to let them know through the uncle (he was always down to Earth and a great guy, but also controlled to a degree by his sister (H's Step-mother), that I still loved and missed all of them and so did the kids. I asked him to please pass the message on to FIL, SMIL, and SILs. I haven't heard a word back. I thought since I knew them and the kids knew them better that H's Mother's side that I owed it to them because I went way out of my way to contact his Mother's side like he asked me to do. H lived with them the first 6 months we were separated, and they went to every hearing he had, it was like he was a child or something. I don't like her very much, I think it's because the longer I knew her I could see how controlling she is with everyone. Her own D said she was a very selfish and controlling person and had no heart. But I wanted to do the right thing for the kids again, and yes I miss the FIL but nope nothing. So since I didn't hear back from the uncle I didn't mention the Confirmation.

This is why I get down and out, I feel there is NO hope because of how many people H got involved from the very beginning. And now all relationships are ruined.

Do I want them (the toxic ones) around the kids? No way. But the others yes because I feel the kids need them. My Father passed away at a very young age almost 10 years ago, and I miss him terribly. He was my best friend, but if any of his kids did wrong and he would make sure he heard both sides of a story no matter what was going on, he would tell us to fix it. That he loved us and we made a mistake and now it's time to fix it. If we weren't at fault, yes he would stand by our sides.

I keep trying to do what I feel God would want me to do, because He forgives all of us but every time I try I get hurt more and more and so do my kids.

Nothing from H at all to our D14 or me.....so no need to go dark, he has done that again on his own.

Just venting everyone.

[Creed]

Oh my, your Hs lawyer sounds just like the one my H had!!! LOL My lawyer also told me the same thing about Hs lawyer. Would never settle on anything, would rather bleed his client dry and take it to court, than try to meet in the middle. Just remember, the judges usually know the lawyers temperments too, and that can work against them in the end.