STBX and I both get calls from our tax preparer. I am getting a nice refund and she owes. On phone she's telling me how unfair that is - not taking incomes, deductions or anything else into consideration. Being very objective, she's doing better than she should be.
Anyway....she comments that "you are living in my house" - my response "you can live in it anytime you want". There was more, but no need to go into detail. Anyway, at the end of all of it, I say "it doesn't matter, because I will pay your tax bill out of my return". She seems less than grateful and has to go to get ready for work. I said "we can dicuss later".
So many men would be so much worse about this, but I am not going to start a fight over money over less than $2000. Let's see what the next covnersation about this brings.......
If her fleeing your family has caused her to have a higher tax burden, then that's one of the consequences of her decision. Why are you paying it?
STBX and I both get calls from our tax preparer. I am getting a nice refund and she owes. On phone she's telling me how unfair that is - not taking incomes, deductions or anything else into consideration. Being very objective, she's doing better than she should be.
Anyway....she comments that "you are living in my house" - my response "you can live in it anytime you want". There was more, but no need to go into detail. Anyway, at the end of all of it, I say "it doesn't matter, because I will pay your tax bill out of my return". She seems less than grateful and has to go to get ready for work. I said "we can dicuss later".
So many men would be so much worse about this, but I am not going to start a fight over money over less than $2000. Let's see what the next covnersation about this brings.......
If her fleeing your family has caused her to have a higher tax burden, then that's one of the consequences of her decision. Why are you paying it?
BGPs.
Starsky
That's not the reason she has a higher tax burden. But, also not for poor money mgmt reasons or anything. Anyway, it's only money.
STBX and I both get calls from our tax preparer. I am getting a nice refund and she owes. On phone she's telling me how unfair that is - not taking incomes, deductions or anything else into consideration. Being very objective, she's doing better than she should be.
Anyway....she comments that "you are living in my house" - my response "you can live in it anytime you want". There was more, but no need to go into detail. Anyway, at the end of all of it, I say "it doesn't matter, because I will pay your tax bill out of my return". She seems less than grateful and has to go to get ready for work. I said "we can dicuss later".
So many men would be so much worse about this, but I am not going to start a fight over money over less than $2000. Let's see what the next covnersation about this brings.......
If her fleeing your family has caused her to have a higher tax burden, then that's one of the consequences of her decision. Why are you paying it?
BGPs.
Starsky
That's not the reason she has a higher tax burden. But, also not for poor money mgmt reasons or anything. Anyway, it's only money.
How would she have fared if you two were "Married, Filing Jointly," everything else being the same?
I'm really not sure. I simply had my tax guy figure out what worked best overall and told him to let me know what he thinks is fair and he thinks this is. No point in the government keeping money just so I can prove a point of some type to her. Also, we still have no separation agreement after a year and a half and I am in our house with our kids and she gives me $1000 a month. I'm doing pretty well and no need to upset the apple cart.
While talking to STBX a couple days ago, she mentioned she has a job interview. If she actually goes through with it, it would be a big move. She has been at her current job for almost 10 years, and for various reasons, it has been one of the troubles in our marriage. Also, the new job would pay much less and would make things much tougher to live on her own.
The same day, she said she is "considering" going on vacation together. Just 2 months ago, she went away on her own (I think) and didn't want me to join her. Now, it is possible that she just wants a free vacation (I said I would pay), but I really doubt that is the reason. She just isn't that kind of person.
I have made sure I have made no big deal out of it and have not even brought it up since. I will let her make the next move - no pressure.
And now just days later the rollercoaster heads downhill again.
Last night D19 was talking to me about her vacation plans and mentioned that STBX said she can't go away in May. Later I texted STBX about another issue and mentioned what D19 said. STBX confirmed that she can't get time off work. To me that also means she is no longer considering the new job. Otherwise, she wouldn't know she can't take time off next month.
So....either she has decided not to go away together and doesn't want to tell me the truth or is staying at the job after all. Either way, not good for any possible progress.
It upset me a little, but after all this time, I have learned to expect very little from her other than the unexpected.
STBX called me during the day about a minor issue and all seemed ok. When I came home from work last night, D19 was talking to me about her upcoming vacation with her boyfriend. A week ago STBX said she was "considering" a vacation with me. Last night D19 says "mom is not going away..........well, she has plans, but not wit you". She intends to go away with some guys from work, including her boss who one day she hates and the next is in some form of relationship with. She admits they have dated. They even live in the same apartment building since he left his wife.
Anyway, I called STBX to verify and that turned into an R talk. Again, she told me she is never coming home. For the first time in a long time, I broke down a little and told her that I still want her to. Said "I love you. I miss you". She crushed me all over again last night. I still can't stop hoping no matter happens and then moments like last night destroy me all over again.
I had to take two sleeping pills, and still just barely slept. I am an emotional mess this morning. After six years since my first visit here, I am still unable to move on.
First... you know we're here for you. To hear you and be your shoulder. Truth be told, you are a strong, strong man for sticking it out for six years.
Maybe it's time to take stock of who you are, what you have, and what you want. Take your W and your M out of the equation. At least for right now.
Consider... you've spent six years on this... in hindsight, taking a month off and really becoming you... JUST you... could be well worth the emotional vacation you really need at this time...
First of all, let me clarify that I was originally here in 2005 and by December of that year, I was a success story on this site. I have been back for a year and a half. In that 18 months, I have improved myself in so many ways and done all the stock taking any man can.
The problem is that the only thing I still truly want in life, is my wife and my family the way it was. I fear that I will always feel that way and that there will be a hole in me forever.
I am ashamed to admit that I called STBX today and even stopped by her work to see her. I broke every DB principle of not persuing. But in the past, I have also followed them perfectly and I am still sitting alone on our bed typing this. I can only do so much more harm.
I will see her again in about half an hour when I drop S17 off to work with her. Just seeing her makes my butterflies to crazy.
Today, I feel just as weak and sacred as I did when this all started again. I look back in my journal and realize things were so much better off one year ago. I had just come back from a great vacation with STBX and the future looked bright. In fact, exactly one year ago today she showed up at my house late one night, took all her clothes off and climbed into bed with me. There was no sex then, but cuddling and fondling and most importantly, she wanted that from me then.
And now...today......one year later....I am dying inside.
It took a long time for me to decide and find the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. And I expected bumps and grinds. I was finally ready for "the ride".
There are no less than 3 people in my life whom I still think about. That I still wonder... what if I had been with them. What if I had stepped up to the plate for them. I still have the potential to have "those feelings" for them, again.
Of those, one particular woman sticks out in my mind and how it relates to my sitch. I loved her. I truly loved her. Yet we were never more than friends. Finally, after knowing her for about 5 years, I finally could not take it. I let her know my feelings... and she has not talked to me, since. I have made attempts to contact her a couple times over the past 20 years, but never any response. I finally moved on. Finally, after 10 years, decided that I needed to move on... It was very, very difficult. And yet, she ultimately and completely rejected me.
I feel like the path I'm on now, leads to the same place. It may take another 10 years from now to get to that place where I finally make the decision to move on from MY feelings for a person who does not share those feelings. Who has given me the ultimate rejection.
I can only say, I do... understand how it feels to not want to let go. I know how long a person can hold on to something. I know I could have held onto it longer. I know I still do. And life goes on...
