Have you considered that your H might be having a MLC? Some of the signs you mention--the overwhelming and continual anger, the interest in new clothes, younger friends and a different lifestyle, the sudden drinking, the feeling that his wife is not enough, the secretiveness and avoidance--can also be signs of a life crisis. My H exhibited all of these for 2 years before he found an EA.
Did something happen within the last 12-18 months that might have precipitated a crisis--a sudden health scare, the death of a parent or a close friend, or????
