confused bolt

[Albuquerque]

I know it's way too early but at what point do you realize that it isn't just a manipulation? that it is something more?

This is a difficult question to answer. But the best gauge, in my experience, has not dealt with words but with actions. They can say any number of things. But do the actions back up the statements is the key question.

For me, there were key things about my H's fog that were noticeable. And when he started to come out of it, those changed. Try to figure out what those are in your situation. For example, in mine, previous to his MLC, my H always kept the door to the house locked. It annoyed me sometimes because I would just go run an errand and come back to the house locked. Once he hit MLC and left home, he never locked the door after himself when leaving. Small but subtle. Once he started awakening, he started doing it again. It's like they're so self-absorbed, they're not conscious enough to care about others. Once they really start peeking out, they do. Even though my H is mostly back home now, I STILL use this as a gauge of his MLC, because even once they realize there is a fog, they still have a looooong way to go.

Another example was the type of conversations I'd have. Deep in his MLC, H hardly ever asked about me or my day or anything. Peripheral stuff perhaps, but nothing that a vague answer couldn't end. But again, once he started peeking out, he was showing genuine interest in me and D again (and the dog who he had mostly ignored). My usual vague answers weren't enough for him and he would continue to ask follow up questions to the point that I realized he ACTUALLY wanted to know (and wasn't just being polite). It was his ACTIONS that showed me what to believe.

I'm not falling for anything but I can't help not having hope when stuff like this happens. The thing I try to do is cut it off so it doesn't go long enough to give hope.

Again this is very tough. So many times, I'd see glimpses of hope in subtle actions or subtle statements. But until those ACTIONS are continual and unambiguous over time, it's more than likely the normal ebb and flow of MLC madness. Remember, you are free to have hope. Just have no expectations. Big difference. Continue working on detachment and making YOU a better YOU. That's the only way you can guarantee yourself a positive future no matter what it holds.