When i found out about the A a few days ago i took off my rings and threw them across theroom behind the tv unit, i also took off my H and threw it. In hindsight i now realise that i only did this for dramatic effect as i wanted him to realise how hurt and angry i was but i now realise he probably knows how hurt and angry i am.
This morning i happened to come across all of the rings which my H had obviously fished out from behind the tv unit (tis not a pretty sight behind there) and put them up, I texted him saying: “i see you found the rings then” He replied: “what do you mean” I replied: “did you not find the rings?” He didn’t reply so an hour later i texted “so i’ll take it that you did find them then”
I realise now i shouldnt have gone there and that i was playing my usual game of trying to catch him in a lie which in turn better justyfies my reasonings and actions.
Have been reading db forums all morning so i have just text my H saying “I love you. I can and in time will forgive you. I do not want to divorce but i absolutely and positively cannot continue with you for another moment unitl i am conviced you HAVE changed”
After having no response which i now realise i was fishing for i re read what i had wrote and realised it sounded very harsh which was not what i was trying to convey so i text;
“Sorry just reread what i sent didnt put it right what i meant is i cannot continue for another moment the way we were. The silent treatments don’t help and i would prefer if you have nothing to say to say i have nothing to say then say nothing at all”
Again just realised i am being needy, oh heavan help me i just don’t know what to do for the best, so now i have turned off my phone to stop me texting and am posting to db instead and in typing this i have just remembered that he bought a new phone yesterday but left the charger in the shop so it is possible that he phone is dead and hasnt got any of my messages so now i will come across as very needy. Just great!!
my emotions are so up and down when all i want is for him to hold me...i know i shouldnt be thinking like this....pma, pma, gal
