So today i am in a state of confusion, confused as to what to do for the best,.
The last couple of days have not been easy but thanks to the techniques i have learned through db’ing i am coping with this situation more better, dont get me wrong i have backslided but i notice when i do it and 180 it.
I recently started going to the gym weekly and have changed my appearance which many have noticed, i was just starting to find myself when i find out about this A, but i’m still going gym and taking care of appearance i refuse to allow this A to break my spirit which is a huge 180 for me, usually i would be moping and crying for days, looking a total mess and not leave the house, whereas this time i type this at work with my ‘chic’ hairstyle (as described by colleagues today) they don’t even know nor have noticed that anything is different with me.
Its not that i can’t forgive him or try and resolve this situation which my H is adamant that he wants its that i am scared of trying and it all being for nothing.
Now i know many of you who may have read my situ are thinking why do you stay with him, the think is i know my H and when he gets stressed or something major happens like the wedding being a disaster or a close family member dying i know it sounds ridiculous but he always has this need to escape and so will find solice with another woman.
Now i’m not conolling his actions and choices but in finding myself recently i have analysed us and realised it is a pattern with him, so when he tells me his heart belongs to him i believe him, in reading the transcripts of this recent A i can see this girl was trying hard to be with him she actually begged him but he would not leave me so she was hanging in there hoping that when i find out was been going on i’ll leave him and he’ll be so lonely that he will turn to her.
I’ve also realised that i moan and b**ch a heck of alot and before i started finding myself again recently my excuse was you (directed at H) should be making me happy so i b**ch and moaned when he didnt ut recently i have realised that only i can make myself happy, and that my H is in such turmoil with himself he isnt even in a position to make himself happy let alone anyone else.
So in seeing that this situ does not appear to be the end of our M i feel like i need to help him make himself happy and let go of the guilt he has held onto and built up over the years, the best way i am thinking of doing this it to be the rock for our family (whereas he liked to think he was the head of our family) to do complete 180’s by showing him more affection which i admit i don’t do but expect him to do for me and going dim which lately helped me to find myself and he actually said he missed not seeing me as i would makesure i was asleep before he got home night after night but i am a bit worried about doing this as i now know this was the time he spent being online with her but i also dont want to wait up for him to come home
