I'm posting as a journal, I don't think anyone is reading this. Disappointed.
This weekend her parents were visiting, and they know nothing. Some strange things happened this weekend:
- She held my hand for a moment while walking around - Sat across me on the couch during rest time - Sat again across my lap later - it led to sex. - Among all this, she was still cold and distant totally.
The sex was weird, I don't know how else to say it. We did not kiss, she did not look at me, it was more of a physical thing. I know it felt good for her and she enjoyed it, but afterward she still was distant and didn't even say goodnight.
So overall her behavior has more of an upswing, but not sure if this is due to her parents visit, making a good show, or what. Just going with it.
The sex got me to thinking quite a bit. It really threw me for a loop. It was nice, but did not live up to my dreaming expectations, because she was so obviously not "contributing".... Got me to thinking is THIS the person I want to be with. A person who does not want me. A person who does not have my interests in mind. A person who rarely talks or shares anything with me. I am tired of being the chaser. I want to be wanted and needed. I don't see that with her ever no matter how good things get. Therefore I wonder if I want to stay for all this, or just let go.
