W was looking through her email for something she wanted to show me and I noticed an email from OM. I asked her to open it...BIG mistake. I honestly wanted to see how he signed his emails to her, and as I said in my first post I do trust what she's told me, but I don't trust him any further than I could throw him. She let me look, but it really upset her that I even asked. She was already planning to stay at her mother's house tonight, but she told me this morning that she almost left right after I asked about it. She also said she was mad at herself "for letting me boss her around." Not sure how to feel about that one.
Ugh...I know I need to detach and let things go, but of all the 180s I'm trying, this one is the hardest. I'm a talker, I'm a note and email writer...and I know I need to stop that and give her space. But it's so damn hard. Have made it a goal not to contact W unless I need to while she's at the in-laws house, but had a text conversation today that I wanted to share. Here goes:
Me: Hey there, how was this morning at work?
W: Good, glad it's over though...way too early to get up today.
M: I overslept a bit so I didn't have a chance to get the last load of laundry out of the dryer...sorry
W: I'm ok, still pissed about last night...above all, I'm mad at myself for letting you boss me around.
[At this point she decided to call me to fill me in on the stuff I mentioned above...no raised voice or anything, just being matter of fact. Said she didn't want to be with me if I was going to be suspicious about stuff like that all the time. I apologized, but I got a little mad and asked how I was supposed to feel about OM. I asked her if she could understand why I needed to know about what was going on with him, and she said she thought it was because I needed to know if I could trust her...which it was. Anyway, hung up in decent mood and texted me again about 45 mins later]
W: I'm sorry, didn't mean to sound so angry, but I am still upset.
M: It's ok, I have no more questions now. You know where I was coming from and I understand where you're at with what you're dealing with regarding your own stuff and us. Am I right about that?
W: Yes
M: Ok, then I think this next three weeks is a time for both of us to cool off and work on ourselves.
W: That sounds good to me.
M: I think the emotions are still too raw for both of us...and I know my stupid need to talk and dissect everything has not allowed either of us to process anything. It probably even dragged up more bad stuff to be honest.
W: You got that right
M: Ha Ha...ok so let's take 3 weeks, you finish your semester strong, and we'll both relax and look at ourselves, and then we can try to come back with a lot less stress and hopefully a new outlook for both of us and try to rebuild...Is that what you were hoping for as well?
W: Yes it is.
M: Cool. W, I'm really sorry it took so much pain to finally get us on the same page with this, but I feel like we've gotten there today.
W: I agree, and I'm sorry too.
M: I know you still need me to prove myself, and that's ok...but as I said before, if there's anything you DO need to talk to me about I'm always willing to listen, so just let me know.
W: OK sweetie, I will.
M: Cool, have a good run.
W: I will, talk to you soon.
And that was that. So after a big blowup last night, and a sleepless night for me, we have a really decent conversation...or at least that's the way it seemed to me. I just can't get a read on her. I've had a few DB phone coaching sessions, and my coach mentioned that she keeps hearing "little gems" from my conversations with W. Am I just getting my hopes up when we have talks like this? There's a part of me that thinks she's just blowing smoke and is biding her time until it gets to an easier point for her to Bomb me back to the Stone Age. But I suppose that's an attitude I need to have to be able to GAL and get right with myself.
Like the title of the thread says...am I on the right track???
BITS M: 35 W: 27 T 7.5 years M 5 years No kids My EA: 3/08 Her EA: 1/11, discovered 3/11 (ongoing?) ILYBINILY, D mentioned 3/8/11 W at parents house: 4/16/11
