WAW tearing up our family part II

[ironMan]

I have been reading the boards ..... but I've been so busy, and I'm just in limbo so I haven't updated much.

OMW, yes .... she finally found a therapist that she liked. She has a boatload of issues from her childhood which she has until now refused to even think about. When she would act screwy, I'd remind her that this was probably due to some of those ... she ran away from them/me .... things would get quiet ... repeat as necessary.

Also, she felt the need to try to make therapists like her rather than using them to help her.

Funny you say it now though ..... I don't even know if she's still going. I don't ask. Not my problem.

Also, her going to counciling seemed to re-enforce that she shouldn't be married. That she had to live on her own two feet.

So, I'd say basically all of the therapy her and US went to actually was working against the marriage.

[ironMan]

What's new ... let's see .... she took off her ring. She decided to go eat with my family on my birthday last week .. and didn't wear it then either. This was very sad for me.

I asked her on my birthday ... just asked her why she wasn't wearing the ring any longer ....... she got teary eyed and said "I don't know". WHAT? like talking to a child. I feel like Bill Cosby ... "was your head with you all day?"

She got all upset ... turns out it was because she had a place to move into lined up ... but it fell thru. So now, she plans on moving in with her Mom, Stepdad, and his 2 highschool kids. She said she would NEVER, EVER do this. As her mom is the source of many of her issues. Well, yet another NEVER WOULD that she is breaking.

This weekend, she started wearing her ring again. She also crawled in bed and slept with me on Sat night. She didn't say a thing about either, and I didn't ask.

She does keep saying "since I'll be gone soon" ... "since I'll be at my mom's soon" etc. So, she's moving out. Fine with me.

I started a cool martial art last night. I'm buying a racing go-kart and will be doing a race a month plus 1 practice day a month.

I have plans for Friday and Saturday nights.

I continue to workout hard, take care of the dogs, and have a blast with my daughter. New job is coming along nicely and I like the people.

LIFE IS GOOD!

She is her problem now. If she divorces me I think there will be a line of prospects for me. Turns out that fun, intelligent, fit, and successful men are in short supply.

[ironMan]

Well, she left yesterday ... to "try it out". I'll post more from the weekend later.

I actually feel ok. Was nice to not have her around to make me think about the situation.

I miss my daughter though. Seeing her every morning was the best part of my life.

[ironMan]

ugg ..... kind of a dull ache in my heart this afternoon.

This isn't what I wanted for my life. Its sad.

I won't sit around and be sad. I have GOTTEN a life and it is getting better. But today is kinda hard.

Feels like somebody died.

[angel61]

Also, her going to counciling seemed to re-enforce that she shouldn't be married. That she had to live on her own two feet.

So, I'd say basically all of the therapy her and US went to actually was working against the marriage.

I've read about that. My one experience with a psychiatrist was the same - he basically told me that my H was abusive.
MLC can make people abusive, thats true, but if you know how the person was in the first place then you know somewhere in there is a good man/woman.

My gut feel for my sitch is not to go.

Perhaps retrouvaille, yes, I would like that.

[ironMan]

I do believe bad therapy is worse than no therapy, Angel

[ninelives]

Iron man , I have been following your sitch for some time but just have responded as I feel overwhelmed by My sitch and the ones that I have been with for awhile.

I know how you feel about it being sad. The worse thing in my heart is that it is all so pointless and that I do believe that they will wake up some day but by that time there will have been sooooo much damage done and putting it back together although not impossible , will be very difficult with no guarantees.

You are allowed to be sad sometimes when the finality hits but try not and dwell on it.

The part that overwhelms and makes me feel so helpless is not sharing in my sons life all the time now. The grow up so fast an now I can only experience half of it.

Out of my control. Happy you appear to be bouncing back.

All the best

9

[ironMan]

Hi ninelives,
Thanks, I appreciate your posting. Yes, I often think she'll change her mind someday. And when that day comes .... I'll be long gone. Fine for everybody except the little baby.

And, that's where I will focus.

1) Be the best dad I can be. This is her ONLY childhood, I don't want to waste a day of it.

2) Grow as much as I can. Pursue my new hobbies. Excel at my new job. And, be The World's Most Interesting Man, in the flesh.

[ironMan]

So, she was supposed to be home tonight because she was "just seeing how the baby would adjust" to sleeping at Grandma's with WAW.

She decided to just stay there from now on.

W's Mom invited me to dinner since I changed my plans so that I could see my D.

I ate dinner with them .... it was INCREDIBLY difficult. W gave me a hug .. asked how I was doing. I told her I was good but today was hard.

She said she had a hard day too. I asked her if she was staying at her Mom's for good now ... she said she was thinking maybe yes .... and asked why. I told her I was making plans and wanted to know what to plan around so I wanted to know what she was doing.

She said, "I don't know what I'm doing"

She really has stumbled through this whole thing. Very strange for somebody that was always a planner.

I have had a very hard time tonight. I feel like there is a hole in my soul.

But, I'm going to stay busy. I'm not dreading things ... I just wish I wasn't in this situation.

[ironMan]

Just to get caught up on recent events ..... this weekend she stopped wearing her ring again. I didn't say anything.

On Saturday, she told me she was going to stay at her mom's for a night or two to see how the baby did. I asked "what does it matter? you're not doing this to help her sleep well"

She got mad, said I was mean, said I hadn't changed at all, and said I was an [censored].

I said above in a very calm voice ... and wasn't being snotty about it. I was just stating that D was going to have to get used to life like this. And if D didn't sleep well there, that wouldn't change W's plans.

But, she has always, always hated being wrong. And, I haven't done it often ..... but I do occasionally remind her that this isn't what I want, but understand it is what she feels is necessary. And she gets angry .... she doesn't want to feel like the bad guy. She keeps bringing up how Karma is getting her for splitting up her family too.

She then said I would need to sign some documents spelling out arrangements and we need to discuss who will pay what bills and some other details. I let her know I wasn't interested in helping her figure any of this out. And I told her, that this was her project not mine. I had no interest in planning the destruction of my family.

So, I haven't mentioned any of that since. Now, time for my plan that I have been working on since the separation. I'm going DARK. Only communication between us will be regarding D.

So, time to be a great dad
Be a friend to W, when W calls me
Go live my own life. Stay busy ... keep with my new martial art .... get a racing go kart ... keep going out with colleagues.

I'm going to have a lot of fun ... but know I will be sad at times too.