I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

One day from bankruptcy consultation.

This morning, I sent my divorce attorney an email saying to type up everything as a final agreement ready for the court. I'm going to forward it to STBXW to see if she'll sign off on it. Everything has been agreed to and her attorney wants a trial to jack up his fees. If she signs off then maybe we can get this done without him.

It angers me that I even have to do this. For 15 years, I've always had to step in and finish things. I have a list miles long of things she said she'd take care of only to ask me to do them in the end. Then, when the marriage is over, she tells me I did all those things not out of love but to make her so dependent on me she couldn't leave me.

Now, she can't even finish divorcing me. I have to step in to save us both from a couple thousand more in court costs.

Funny thing, D12 on Sunday brings up Match.com again. She wants to help me "flirt." She tells me I've been out of the dating game for 13 years and things have changed and she can help me.

I tell her I'm fine. When the D is over, I'll be OK.

It was a pretty good weekend with them. D8 was sick so we didn't do much at all on Saturday. D12 had theater practice Saturday. Sunday, we made it to church and then an event at a bookstore.

Both of them wanted me to buy things from the bookstore. I told them if they really wanted the toys, I'd split it with them. So they had to give me $15 back each from the money they received for the report cards.

A weird date coming up. Our 15th anniversary is April 27. It wasn't going to be a big deal. It's a Wednesday, and I have the girls those nights so I thought it'd be a nice quiet evening home or maybe the health club.

Unfortunately, D12's school switched the annual talent show to that night so now I'm probably going to have to sit with STBXW -- or at least see her.

Five years ago we were getting ready to go to Vegas for our 10th anniversary. The rest of 2006 went really, really well -- at least I thought so when compared with 2004 and 2005.

Then in January 2007 everything just changed. She withdrew physically and emotionally, started gaining weight, started running up our credit cards.

Part of me wants to go to Vegas again when this is over, to give myself new memories. Part of me wants to never go to Vegas again. I really wonder if the end of the actual process changes how I react to things.