It's bizarre how I "know" this stuff, I have learned it many times before, years before, yet still it's not integrated in ME.
I'm working on it.
W called me during lunch break from seminar... I took the call...
W indicated that what she's already "learned" is that we need to do a parenting plan. I validated and thanked her for coming to that realization.
W indicated that she's now more "clear" about my role as parent. That it really struck home last Sunday (the first that D8 stayed over), where she says she went to her room and cried for a couple hours. She said she finally realized what it has been like to be me these past few months. I validated and thanked her for understanding that and sharing that with me now.
We talked about D13's late night and W indicated that D13 will now be "grounded" for disobeying W's apparent wishes that the kids go to bed at a reasonable time. W stated that she was home at 1:30am and that she told them if she had to get up one more time, she was going to start calling parents...
I indicated that D13 did that often in the past, staying up late when W was asleep and I'd have to deal with it. W then said she wasn't in bed at 1:30am ("we" were at home, but not in bed) at that time. I just let that go. She has some "plan" to discipline D13.
A few other things about parenting plans and getting D13 to be comfortable over here. W thinks (and was apparently instructed today) that D13 cannot be "forced" to stay here. The presenter apparently told her that. Yet right in the hand outs, it indicates that children from 13 to 18 should be consulted as to their wishes, the parents still make the choice. I pointed that out to W.
ok...
KD will learn to AND BE less controlling.
But how does one be less controlling, yet still assertive of desires and wishes? At what time does getting what we want (and in this case, what I perceive as "right" for the kids) transition from "hope" to "manipulation" to "controlling"?
It seems to me (and I promise to read all the feedback, over and over again) that I'm pointed to as being controlling, and then I'm instructed to do what's right for the kids. To me... unless W and I come to an agreement on what's right, then it's me attempting to control W or W attempting to control me...
