6 weeks from D-Day; W remains aloof and distant. We are cordial to each other but no more than that. She claims to have broken off the EA weeks ago, but her constant texting, phone calls behind closed doors and general attitude of secrecy lead me to believe otherwise. I am fighting every urge to confront her about it but have no real "proof". It is my pride that is suffering the most at this point; I feel like I am being played. I continue to take our autistic adult(20 Y.O.)stepson to his day program each morning; W cannot take him due to her work schedule. I do at least 50% of the house work, buy the weekly groceries, make dinner on the evenings she works late, get the 2 of them breakfast in the morning and generally try to remain upbeat. The few times we have discussed our situation she has fallen back on the "I don't know what I want" line of defense. I would believe her and be more patient about everything if her EA was indeed dead and buried, but its presence makes me angry. We have discussed her moving out but she is in no position financially to do that.
Still working the 180s...when she is home I try to go out with friends or my 2 adult kids, work out in our basement "home gym" or compose / practice my music...really, anything to avoid being in the same room together. We still sleep in the same bed but that is going to change soon as I plan to move into my son's bedroom now that he is out on his own.
My desire to repair-or really, replace-our M is a real roller-coaster ride. One minute I want to do everything I possibly can to bring us back together, and the next minute I want to tell her I feel like I have been deceived and lied to for 11 years, that I deserve better and to just leave so I can get on with my life.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
