Thanks Green. I agree, the OM is certainly there validating her feelings, probably even whether he agrees with her or not. All part of the fantasy world that they live in. I do spend alot of time validating compared to before. Previously I would try and fix her problem/concern by offerring advice vs listening and acknowledging her issue.
In the past when she would complain about me I would get very defensive. Now I simply acknowledge the issue and tell her that I need to do a better job in that area etc. Not sure whether she notices the new approach or not.
Today is our 19th wedding anniversary. My wife is out of the country with her father travelling. Emotionally I don't feel anything today. She has been calling each night to check on how we are doing. I doubt that she will mention it and I don't have any expectations that she will.
Her trip is not going as well as she thought. My wife is a very difficult person to live with and her quirks and phobias are coming out in the trip. I won't go into details, but it shows that where we ended up in our marriage is not just my fault. Her dad is having a hard time dealing with her over just a 10 day period, never mind what I have had to cope with over 19 years. I know that I did not choose the correct path to deal with these issues but she has not made any effort over the course of our marriage to try and deal with them either.
I am going to address the OM issue when she gets back. I think that it is time for her to get another reality check and that I need to stand up for myself and maintain my self respect. The more I think about it, the more strongly I feel that if she wants to live the rest of our lives as roommates then she has to do it without the benefit of having an emotional support outside of our home.
