Journal entry I really wanted to make an "alls well" entry today, but I guess it is just not going to happen. As I mentioned before the mine field was out today. Things had seriously calmed down by noon, and everything seemed to have been going well. We got ready to leave the house to do some shopping and just some general shopping around. I put some shoes against the wall in my way out and she very sarcastically said "oh that wont scuff the wall" (they didn't). I pushed it aside and got in the car. She then started saying she wanted to get rid of her limited edition clothes collection. How she spent all this time getting ready and then she didn't even feel like wearing any of the clothes. I tried validating, but then she started complaining about not wanting to go to the city. I said we have nothing else to do. She reluctantly agreed. She then started saying she hated being with me because I am so boring. I said I disagreed With me being boring, but I understand how she can feel suffocated in the small town we live in. She insisted it was me. I told her to wait till the Military moved us overseas ( I made a lot of sacrifices to get us our dream assignment overseas). She said no it was me. At this point I said " I don't know about you but I will have a lot of fun with or without you overseas, I hope you decide to come with me." She got quiet then asked if I had said that to spite her. (I didn't I swear). I replied "no I just want you to know that good times are coming and that I hope you can join me". She got quiet again for a few minutes, then started saying she didn't want to go to the city with me. I said fine we can go back home, she said no, then I said or you can go by yourself. I'll find something else to do. She responded with "I don't know what I want". I told her I would keep heading to the city until she decided otherwise. Again she reluctantly agreed. As we drove she kept telling me that she cared less and less about everything, how her life had no meaning, how she couldn't keep going. How she didn't care to live. How she wasn't happy how she didn't even know if she had ever been happy. I just tried to listen and not interject. Eventually she asked why wasn't I talking to her. Why the silent treatment. I mumbled something about not wanting to put my foot in my mouth. I started talking about the little things in life and how they gave me meaning. How I dealt with realizing I would never be famous or change history, but instead how I now focus in enjoying life and the small things. Usually I'd just get quiet or a negative response sometimes I'd get quiet myself. Halfway there she broke her silence and in a one word sentence said "sorry". I just smile at her and said it's ok "I understand". She said no you don't. I told her that while I couldn't see into her mind I knew she was having a hard time. I changed the conversation to talk about our plans once we got to the city. Everything went pretty smooth afterwards except for some complaints about my driving ( a common grievance of hers). We still had fun, we got home early watched some tv together she made us s'mores and even let me give her a back rub.
Phew what a day..... Wouldn't trade her for the world
