I'm workin' it! Actually had a surprisingly positive weekend, so I'm expecting a "rubberband" bit of negativity soon. We went to a museum with friends, and finally cut the lock off the hot tub that came with the house and almost got it working (slight leak that we're going to have someone check out)--I figure either she'll love it or if I wind up alone I'll have a proper luv pad (almost funny except for the obvious pain involved...).
And then today we did a lot of stuff together, keeping up the house, driving away woodpeckers, that sort of thing--not affection-oriented but working together, ending with a meal cooked together and watched over a ridiculous movie. Offered her a backrub when she said she was feeling tense, and she let me, which seemed to go well. I was very good about not pushing for affection, being complimentary without expecting anything in return, etc. Even gave a hug when she got some bad news and was hugged back in return (not reading too much into that, of course--it's what you do when you're hugged).
I'm being a LOT more careful about not crying where she can see or hear me and being confident and positive when around her. NOT ALWAYS EASY. But have a few evenings reserved for "my GAL stuff" this week (dance classes again, which aren't really doing for me what I'd hoped but are still fun, and a "language practice" group--I'm learning French). And had a good workout today, which always helps.
But as mentioned, when we have a good day it's often followed by a bit of a backlash... I think she has a mindset that leaving is being true to her needs and staying is somehow "losing", so there always seems to be a bounce. And there are some tricky bits--she is much more social, so leaving and staying with her friends sounds a lot more fun than staying here with just me (and I'm crap at having friends, since we only moved here a few months ago and I don't/can't really socialize with work folks).
Still not sure how much I should fight a separation if she and our MC think it's a good idea. And actually some separations I could get behind (a couple months to finish her PhD at her sister's), but "move away and live with friends in a communal apartment while trying to get a job for a year" sounds a wee bit too permanent...
