I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were. I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear about your current situation. I can understand in a very small way how you must be feeling now. You DB'ed with all of your heart, soul, and mind. You loved your H many times over what should have made up for the emotional distance that occurred during your depression. I really can't comprehend what prevents some MLCers from accepting that life has ups and downs and that we LBSs are human and imperfect, just as they are. Clearly, your H is very drawn to you, as confirmed by what he said during your MC session.
Sanderika, you are an incredibly generous and loving person. You have helped many of us here immeasurably. I pray that you turn that love on yourself right now. Please love yourself and be gentle with yourself. Accept love and kindness from others and from the universe.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
I have decided that I need to let go of H completely as he is unable to forgive me for my depression which happened over 7 years ago now...........I do not deserve such hateful, hurtful treatment.
I agree with you on this. Only you can decide when enough is enough. You have done many times more than the majority of DB'ers are able to do. I am sorry, but at the same time glad to hear the anger in your words. That will give you strength to do what you need to do right now.............You can deal with the other feelings that will come in the future when they come............Right now I think it will be best to live each day as it comes.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
It seems strange to say but I am beginning to think ALL men as shallow, selfish, greedy and needy. I don't have the desire for such nonsense nor another relationship. I put an immeasurable amount of work into saving this one and I have nothing left to give. I am going to save what's left of my heart for my son and myself and my friends.
I'm glad you are able to write your thoughts here. Please continue to do so. Those thoughts can't hold you captive if you let them out.
Originally Posted By: Sanderika
I am looking for something that I can believe in once again. With time I will find a good fit for me. I have decided to lay my entire life at God's feet and simply....Let Go and Let God.
I think that this is the best thing for you to do right now. Who knows what God has in store for you in the future? You will certainly reap in kind for the generous love and kindness you have sown.
My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend. I saw on the alt that Cas is out of town for the week. I'm sure she will post to you the next time that she is able to get online.
