I appreciate you sharing your insights. I think she is experiencing much of what you describe. Unfortunately she seems unwilling to do much of anything about it except wait for me to change. I am working on things, but the instant transformation just isn't in the cards, and anything short of that is insufficient. As part of this most recent tirade, she even threw Yoda at me (from The Empire Strikes Back) -- "Do, or do not. There is no try."
Quote: Sometimes the storm happens because I haven't taken care of me at all, quiet time used for nurturing myself, exercise, eating, feeling overwhelmed by too much to do and I'm doing a lousy job at it, and I feel guilty about how much I should be doing but am not doing (trust me this list is endless not to mention rediculous examined in the light of day). question, does your wife know how to nurture herself and does she know what you can do to nurture her?
I honestly don't know that she knows how to nurture herself. I have a hard enough time trying to remind her to take her prescription meds. Periodically she'll get to trying to improve her nutrition, but after about a week she won't take any of the vitamins or other supplements we've purchased for her. Beyond that, anything has to be her idea -- the last time I suggested something that I thought might help (I think it was checking out the new local "Curves" gym), she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was a big girl and could take care of herself. Well, I sure wish that she would, then, becuase it doesn't seem to me that she is or will.
Her annual "vacation" to a bird watching convention consists largely of all the largely behind-the-scenes administrative & logistics that keeps her up until 11 and then gets her up between 1 and 3 in the morning for a week. Then she's wiped out for the next week after she gets home. So I try to keep everything running, for which she does give some limited verbal expressions of appreciation, but frankly I'm often feeling past the point where verbal is enough. Even then, the appreciation tends to be mixed with descriptions of what I've forgotten or missed.
I spend 15-30 minutes several nights a week rubbing her sore back/neck/feet, but that often only helps while I'm doing it. In the meantime I'm trying not to resent the fact that despite all my efforts trying to meet her needs, she's only willing to spend maybe that much time once a month making love. It's becoming increasingly difficult to do.
Well, I don't want to get any more depressing than this already is. Let me ask you one final question: What triggers these "storms?" I'll admit I'm not the most observant husband in the world, but everything was just fine until we were on the highway, and then she just cut loose. Is it the captive audience? And what am I supposed to do about it -- avoid being alone with her? I guess I'd better stop and go to bed; I've got a lot to try and do around the house tomorrow while she's gone doing a Christmas Bird Count. Any additional words of insight and/or advice are appreciated.
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
